Scars
by shizmaring
Summary: set after the moutain, clarke leaves camp jaha only to be sold out by bellamy to the ice nation now they have her! queen nia plans on using clarke the same way she used costia. clexa end game can lexa help heal her scars? smut in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

hello campers! been a long time since i have published anything on here so first of all lets get the boring stuff out of the way!

i do not own the rights to the show characters etc

hope you enjoy this story clexa end game! smut later i promise! trigger warnings too around tourture and scars you have been warned!

 **want me to update faster? we me like most of us write fast when i get reviews! i should also warn you that im dyslexic so sorry for spelling and what not hope you enjoy now on with the show! p.s i take any ideas or requests as to what you would like to happen in the story :)**

 **Scars**

 **Chapter 1**.

Clarke thought that the mountain had broken her. She was wrong, the pain of killing so many had been erased by the pain she was now enduring. She had trusted him and of course like most she was foolish enough to trust and he had betrayed her, she had left Bellamy along with the rest of her people. Her people that constantly forced her to carry the weight of their decisions, their mistakes.

When she had parted ways with Bellamy she doubted she would ever see him again, that she would survive long enough to be held by her mother one last time. It had been two weeks since she had left camp Jaha she had been wondering around the woods near Ton DC when they had found her, they had him with them. Bellamy was kneeling in front of the strangers, their clothes styled differently than previous grounders she had met. Scares lined their filth covered faces.

"this is her? This is Wanheda?" the tallest of the men asked Bellamy as he looked her up and down obviously not impressed by the blonde sky girl. Bellamy looked up at Clarke his eyes full of tears, he has certainly looked better. Bruising and old blood marked his face.

"I'm sorry Clarke…they…they said they would kill O if I didn't take them to you" he looked away from her guilt and shame ruining his once handsome features.

Clarke sighed deeply before saying "I'm Wanheda" it happened so fast she had no time to react, Bellamy was thrown to the side of the large group of men as they charged her. One second she's standing the next she was face down in the dirt, the wet mud covering her face. She could taste it in her mouth. She moved her head to the side glancing up at the leader as he reached out and cleared her eyes of mud.

"my queen wishes to see you" his face was replaced with the inside of a sack that had not so gently been put over her head.

"well done boy you are free to go" Clarke could hear Bellamy getting to his feet.

"what… what will you do with her?" his voice weak.

"my queen wants her. If you are asking if we will kill her...the answer is yes but not before the queen has bleed her dry…now leave I will not give you another chance coward" Clarke let the tears fall freely from her eyes, the soaked the heavy sack. How could he do this to her?

She could hear his hurried footsteps as he fled the scene.

"some warrior you have there Wanheda" she didn't answer, there was nothing to say.

 **2 days later**

They had been travelling for days her feet swollen and blistered the sack was never removed from her head. As she continued to stumble alongside the warrior that had one hand painfully gripped to her left arm. He stops suddenly and she was thrown to her knees but it felt like he was kneeling to.

"my queen! We have brought you Wanheda" the man from before announced.

"have you now?" she sounded bored as if she hadn't ordered them to find her.

"let me see her face" the sack was harshly removed and the light from the fire in the middle of the room blinded her. "this is Wanheda? She's nothing more than a child…you brought the mountain to its knees?" Clarke looked up at the older woman who stood above her. She said nothing.

"Hmm brave little thing, aren't you? I can see why Lexa took a liking to you" Clarke couldn't help the reaction that spread across her face at the mention of the commander.

"I see the feelings were mutual" a small laugh followed her words as she continued to watch the blonde sky girl.

"you know me?"

"….." Clarke said nothing just continued to stare and the scared woman in front of her. The blow was fast and hard as hand collided with her face knocking her to the side, ringing in her ears her vision blurred for a moment. A groan escaping her now parted lips, she was brought back to her previous position by a pair of strong arms.

"do. You. Know. Me?" Clarke nodded.

"good, do you know what I did to the last person lexa had feelings for?" Again, Clarke nodded the memory of when lexa had opened up to her about the death of Costia flooding her mind.

"you see our brave Heda forgets her teachings from time to time and I as a member of her great coalition have a duty to remind her that love is weakness. A hard task but one I gratefully do for her sake" the mocking evident in her cold voice. Again, Clarke heard lexa in her head _mockery is not the product of a strong mind Clarke._

"you and I Wanheda will remind her of this lesson" Clarke was brought to her feet then as queen Nia stalked closer, her face inches' from Clarkes. She brought a hand up to almost lovingly stroke the blonde woman's face.

"that's right stay strong sky girl it will make this that much more enjoyable" then her lips were on Clarkes for the briefest of moments.

"lock her up and start her… punishment… feel free to scream out Wanheda my warriors feed on it" Clarke smirked at her before releasing the spit that laid in her mouth hitting the woman in front of her. Bullseye!

 **3 weeks later**

Clarke stood in a dark cave shackled to the wall, she couldn't sit her shackles keeping her firmly in place. She had no sense of time anymore. Her body a canvas holding an uncountable number of cuts, bruises and burns. She heard footsteps approaching but didn't bother to open her eyes steeling herself for the torture that was about to come.

Instead her arms fell free from there bindings and she dropped to her knees, confused she looked up into the face of an attractive man. Scars on his face like the rest of the warriors but she hadn't seen him before.

"be still little sun… my name is Roan I'm getting you out of here" he helped her to stand and turned them to entrance of the cave "when we get out of here you must find a woman 2 miles east of here, she goes by the name of Niylah she will help you. Then you must find Heda tell her that Prince Roan sent you, do you hear me little sun?" as they walked she saw the warriors that had tortured her hours on end dead on the floor around them.

As they made the tree line he released his hold on her and she swayed slightly "here take this knife, now go good luck" with that he disappeared into the night. She stood for a moment before snapping back to life and moving her body as fast as she could through the thick woods. She didn't know how long she had been walking for when her body gave out and she slumped to the ground, she lay on her back focusing on the stars through the trees. She tested her voice "lexa" of course that would be the name on her lips.

She was weak, tired, hungry. She closed her eyes as sleep claimed her, she didn't know how long she had been asleep for when she was awoken by movement nearby. when she heard a gasp, she managed to open her eyes slightly expecting to see queen Nia's warriors but instead a tall dark blond haired grounder stood near. All Clarke could muster was "help…me".

 **3 days later**

Clarke awoke expecting to feel the cold breeze on her damaged skin or the hard rocks under her back but instead she was surrounded in warmth. Then she remembers the woman. She sat bolt upright in a bed surprised to feel less pain than she thought she would be in.

Her eyes darted around the tent searching. Searching for the woman. But she was very much alone in what looked like a grounders tent. Different from lexa's, smaller but warm and safe none the less. Lexa. The whole time she had been in that cave she had not stopped thinking about her. How much she wanted to hate her but she just couldn't, she was taken away from deep forest green eyes as the woman from before entered the tent surprised to see Clarke awake.

" hei" she said as she placed the bowl of food down on the make shift table in the corner.

"hi…" Clarke croaked grabbing her throat, when had she last had something to drink?

"here… drink" the woman handed her a water skin. Clarke almost drank the lot in one breath choking slightly as it went down.

"whoa… easy little sun" Clarke wiped her mouth on her as she now noticed dressed sleeve and looked at the stranger.

"little sun? he called me that to?"

"we thought it fitting for you… how are you feeling" Clarke blushed slightly at the nickname coming from the beautiful woman's mouth in front of her.

"better than I thought I ever would again…thank you, for you know, saving me"

The stranger looked sad for a moment before moving closer to the bed and sitting on the end of it mindful not to get too close to Clarke.

"I didn't think you would make it… your injuries were…uncountable" Clarke looked away from her. This woman had seen her; she was exposed now more than ever even with her clothes on.

"my name is Niylah"

"Clarke"

"Clarke...I think I like little sun more" she said with a cheeky smile and once again Clarke was blushing.

"well Clarke my little sun you will stay here and heal" she got up to get the food she had previously brought in with her when Clarke grabbed her wrist.

"thank you…for everything. I have to ask the man who saved me" before she could finish Niylah interrupted her.

"Roan. We will talk about this later, rest now" she reached out with her free hand to brush some loose hair behind Clarkes ear, as the hand got closer every atom inside of Clarke rushed into panic and without thought she throw herself away from the approaching touch.

"PLEASE…please don't… don't touch me" tears fell freely from her eyes her body shaking in fear.

"I'm sorry…I won't…I won't touch you if that's what you want"

"thank you…I'm...I'm sorry I didn't mean to"

"hush its fine here eat then you must rest little sun" she gave Clarke the food then left the tent. Clarke ate, drank then laid back down on the now tear soaked pillow below her as she pictured green eyes and a soft commanding voice calling her to sleep.

She was safe for now at least.

xxxxxxx

thats it for chapter 1 so what do you think? let me know love and lollie pops! in clexa we trust!

shizmaring


	2. Chapter 2

**hello campers thank you for all your following and reviews really made me get writting! to answer some of your comments see below!**

 **as usual i dont own characters etc**

 **i know some wanted more info about what happend to clarke for the time she was with nia and you will have it over time, didnt want to drop it all on you at once. there will be parts where clarke will have flash backs or even imagine its happening again to her.**

 **it really helps if you write reviews makes me write faster and if you have any requests please let me know!**

 **Scars**

 **Chapter 2**

Clarke was feeling better and better every day, she insisted to Niylah that she was ready to get out of bed and start heading to polis. Niylah refused of course explaining that she could hardly walk 10 paces without having to double over in pain. They had been having the same argument for over a week now.

"I need to go! Roan said I had to get to lexa!" Clarke was attempting to pace the small space of the tent while Niylah simply sat on a chair in the far corner.

"Be still little sun, I will get you to Heda but not until you are ready"

"Ready?! What does that even mean?!" Clarke felt like she was losing her mind in this place, trapped with just her thoughts and her wounds every second of everyday. She knew of course that the reality of being able to defend herself from the ice nation while trying to get to polis was close to impossible, sure she could fight but compared to the average grounder she was like a child.

"Teach me" Clarke stopped her pacing to look Niylah, face set in stone.

"..."

"Teach me to fight, to survive on the ground" Niylah smirked back at the blonde woman.

"Clarke you are still healing, besides i'm not a warrior… but I can teach you what I know but only once you have healed more."

2 weeks later

"keep your guard up Clarke!" Niylah brought down the training staff down once again towards clarke's head.

Clarke waited till the last second before ducking her body in tight and rolling to the side and as the staff landed in the space that she just vacated she sprang back to her feet and dived at the taller woman. Wrapping her legs tightly around Niylah's waist tumbling them both to the ground Clarke landing on top, Niylah let out a groan as her back landed harshly on the hard floor.

"Good...very good" Niylah said between laboured breaths, Clarke was still straddling her their faces inches apart. She couldn't deny that Clarke was a very attractive woman and over the past few weeks she had felt the attraction growing stronger and stronger, her breath hitched as Clarke smirked at the praise.

"Little sun…" Niylah knew she shouldn't but these feelings, the closeness of Clarke, that smirk she just couldn't help herself. She let her hand wrap around clarke's back feeling the tight muscles under her clothes, the body above her tensed noticeably under the touch and the smirk fell from clarke's face to be replaced with something a lot less enticing. Then she was gone.

Clarke quickly retreated away from the touch her stomach doing somersaults as her mind was thrown back to her time in the cave. She turned and gave her back to Niylah who was now pulling herself to stand her eyes not leaving Clarke's back, she reached out a single hand before remember how they had got into this position to begin with and let the hand fall back to her side.

"Don't worry about it…i'm going to go wash up first before the sun sets" Clarke didn't wait for a reply and instead started walking towards the small waterfall and pool of water that was close to their camp.

It was late afternoon and the sun was already starting to lose its warmth, Clarke checked the surrounding area before moving to the side of the pool. She removed her clothes taking care to keep her eyes closed, she couldn't stand the sight of the scars that now covered her body.

Naked she lowered herself into the cool water, the cold helping to ease the pain in her stiff muscles. They trained everyday, not just her body but her mind. She learnt to hunt, fight and forage for food.

She washed her body quickly this was the worse part of her day, even her own touch made her skin break out in sweat. She told Niylah that it was all a blur but honestly she remembered every second of every cut, burn, punch, kick and kiss. She shock her head her teeth gritting painfully together as she tried to rid herself of the memory, she dunked herself under the water letting the coolness clear her mind.

When she finally resurfaced and opened her eyes she was back in the cave. Her heart started to race and once again her skin was coated in sweat.

"No, no this isn't real. I'm not here, this isn't real!" Clarke looked to her hands and her wrists were shackled. "It's not real!" her breathing becoming panicked. Her eyes were drawn to movement on the other side of the cave, a figure stepped out of the shadows and walked towards her. No this wasn't real, but it was a memory.

"No…"

"Hello Clarke did you miss me?" Queen Nia stood in front of her. "I know i've missed you" the Queens slender fingers came to grip Clarke's jaw with anything but kindness. Clarke then felt pain slice down her back, her eyes crashing shut as pain corsed through her. Queen Nia's low laugh fading in her head.

When clarke opened her eyes again she was back in the water, turning around wildly to check she was safe that she was alone. She let out a sigh of relief, no Nia.

Pain still leaked out from her back, reaching one hand around she felt a shallow cut that had been reopened by what she can only guess was a rock from the side of the pool. She stayed in the water for a little longer waiting for her racing heart to finally calm.

After dressing and making the small walk back to camp she found Niylah huddled over the fire preparing the stew for dinner. She walked behind her and wrapped her arms around the taller woman's waist, resting her head in between her shoulder blades.

"Niylah, i'm sorry. It's just…"

"You don't have to say anything little sun, I know" Niylah was careful to stay still and make no movement to return the contact. Clarke took a deep breath, breathing in Niylah's scent. It was calming, she smelt like forest, fire, rain and safe. Clarke was aware of the other woman's looks of appreciation, she wasn't blind nor could she deny that she didn't like the effect that she had on the other woman.

"Come eat, tomorrow we are leaving for polis." Niylah returned her attention to the stew, she hid her face while doing so. She didn't want the last month to come to an end, she has loved being out here in the forest with Clarke, teaching her, helping heal her. She had sworn to Roan that she would get the blonde sky girl to Heda, but now all she wanted was to forget the rest of the world and stay here with Clarke.

"Really? You think i'm ready?"

"Clarke your wounds have healed, I have taught you how to fight although remember if you can you should always run. It's time…unless you would prefer to stay here?" Niylah hated the hope that came out with her words.

"I…I need to see the commander" Niylah nodded in response.

"We leave at sunrise. Now eat" they ate in silence, went to sleep in silence and even awoke in silence both lost in their own thoughts. Clarke's mind full of forest green eyes. Niylah's mind full of sky blue eyes.

 **Meanwhile in polis**

Lexa slammed the door to the throne room behind her finally alone, she walked over to the map that covered her war table. She scanned the areas desperately trying to find something she had missed before, her hands curled into almost painful fists.

"Where are you Clarke?" lexa had spent the last 2 months trying to find the blonde haired sky girl, she had heard the rumors of her becoming Wanheda. When it was first brought to her attention by her flame keeper Titus she couldn't believe that clarke had done what so many before her had failed to do.

Then she was told of the bounty on her head by the ice nation, all rumors of course which meant that they were true. Lexa shut her eyes tightly, what if Nia already had her? No, No she wouldn't allow this. This was her land, her coalition and her Clarke. Hers? Clarke wasn't her's she had made that clear in her tent when lexa had kissed her, that kiss. Lexa hadn't stopped thinking about that kiss, about how Clarke managed to break down her walls. The walls that she had put up after Costia's death, she knew of course that if she were to find Clarke then Titus would insist in her death.

A knock came at the door and Lexa called them inside not bothering to turn around to see who entered.

"Heda, I have news regarding Wanheda" Indra was bowing lowly, Heda had been anything but forgiving in the last two months and she didn't want to push her luck.

Lexa turned around quickly her fists still curled tightly.

"Speak!"

"A camp was found just before the border of the ice nation, there were bodies, supplies and…" Indra tried to think of the right words.

"AND?" Lexa practically shouted, her heart racing fiercely. Not her, please not Clarke.

"Forgive me Heda, and skaikru clothing. But no bodies Heda." Indra was careful not to make eye contact with the commander.

"Any surrivers?" Lexa had moved to sit upon her throne, her knife spinning into the wood. She needed to keep her hands busy.

"Yes Heda, one ice nation warrior. My men are bringing him to Polis."

"When will they get here?"

"Two days, Heda"

"You will bring him straight to me i'm I clear general?" Lexa's eyes left no room for debat.

"Yes Heda" Indra stood taller at the order.

"You are dismissed" Indra bowed and turned to the door but before she pulled it open she heard Lexa's voice again, this time it was softer.

"Thank you Indra"

 **thats all campers! hoping to have another chapter by friday! please review!**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring**


	3. Chapter 3

**hello campers! heres chapter 3! I know I said I would have it out by Friday but...life happened haha but its he now for you all shinny and new! couple of things to mention there's some more torture scenes in this one you have been warned!**

 **copyright- I own nothing!**

 **please review!**

 **Chapter 3**

Indra made her way swiftly to Heda's chambers her bottom lip slightly split and a small trickle of blood seeped out of the opened wound. She was furious. Her men had interrupted her morning training with the new recruits to announce that the prisoner had arrived, she had commanded one of her senior warriors to take over the training and left to meet the new arrival. Two men held the oversized ice nation warrior securely as she approached, he showed no fear towards the approaching general.

Once Indra was inches from his face he drew his large head back and brought it down harshly towards the woman in front of him. As he focused his eyes back on the now bleeding woman he convinced himself it was worth the bone breaking hits to his ribs from the captures on either side of him.

Indra shook her mind clear as Heda's door came into view, she nodded to Lexa's personal guard that stood either side of the large doors. One last deep breath and then she knocked.

Lexa's back was towards the door as she gazed over Polis from her high view, she titled her head slightly as she heard the strong knock at her door. "Come" she didn't turn as the door opened then shut again.

"Heda" Indra's head hung low in a bow of respect to her fierce commander.

"He's here?" still Lexa faced the view.

"Sha Heda, he's in the dungeons... allow me to extract the information we need from this… oaf" Indra felt nothing but pride at the prospect of interrogating the traitor.

Lexa was quiet for a moment and then she turned and slowly strode towards the other woman.

"Indra… I am Heda, I must show him and the Ice Nation that they hold no strength here… in MY city" Lexa began to strap her armour and swords to her body, her war paint already applied.

"Sha Heda" Another low head bow followed.

"Your bleeding" Lexa took a piece of cloth from her side and handed it to the general, Indra was her most trusted general now that Gustus was gone. And more than that she cared for the older woman, another thing that Titus would lecture her about if he was to find out.

"Come, take me to our… guest" Indra smirked and turned for the door.

* * *

Two days of traveling. Two days of walking to be more accurate. They had made it close to Ton DC and Clarke had to admit she was tempted to suggest that they stop off just so Clarke could talk to Indra. That is assuming that she was there and not in Polis with Lexa. Niylah had already made a start on the small fire that would use for warmth for the night when Clarke came to help.

"We are close to Ton DC" Niylah said not taking her eyes of the soon to be (hopefully) fire.

"I know…" Clarke looked off in the direction of Ton DC, of course she couldn't see it nor hear it but she could almost feel it somehow.

"I shall go there; we need supplies and before you ask. No, you can't come with me it's too dangerous" the fire finally roared to life.

"I...I know" Clarke's voice held sorrow and defeat.

"Hmm… not going to fight me? This is a first my little sun" Niylah let out a gentle laugh as she added more wood to ensure the flame was not loss. But Clarke did not return the gesture.

"Niylah… thank you" Niylah's head shot up to look at the blonde girl in front of her.

"Thank you for handling me so well and… well everything I guess"

"There's no need to thank me, just… just let me help protect you that's all i ask" Clarke felt the tears come to her eyes and blinked them away quickly. Niylah nodded and quickly got her pelts to trade with ready.

"Be still little sun, I won't be long" Clarke looked up at her and gave the taller woman a sault much to the confusion of the grounder, it was Clarke's turn to laugh then as she watched her disappear into the woods. This was the first-time Clarke had truly been alone for months. She scanned her surroundings ensuring she was alone, coming to the conclusion she was she raised up and began getting their bed rolls out, followed by the pot they used to boil water or stew food.

Happy with the setup she sat down next to the fire raising her hands in front of the dancing flames feeling the warmth creep up her hands. She stayed like that for hours as she waited for her companion to return, the stars shone down at her brightly reminding her of a time before the 100. Before she landed on the ground, a time before she burned 300 warriors alive, a time before she had killed the man who loved her, a time before lexa had betrayed her… a time before she killed the mountain men and all the innocents that lived with them. A time before Queen Nia.

"No…" Clarke said to no one.

"No. Not her don't think about her Clarke… Pull it together" she was on her feet now pacing around the makeshift camp. The first one she saw came from her right just within the tree line, a man? Or it could be a woman. It was hard to tell all she could make out was the figure of a person, and then another one to her left and then behind her and in front of her and...and everywhere they were surrounding her. Trapping her. She drew her sword from her back holding it out in front of her protectively.

"WHO ARE YOU?...WHAT DO YOU WANT?... SHOW YOURSELF GOD DAMN IT!" no answer from the motionless figures. Clarkes heart raced frantically as she span around and around looking at her company. Then one stood forward. A woman. No not just a woman, it was her. Queen Nia.

"Come now Clarke you mean to tell me you don't recognise the faces of all the people you have killed?" the figures became clearer then, burnt grounders, poisoned mountain men, children, Finn.

"No no no no… this isn't real" she drew her eyes back to the Ice Nation's Queen as she heard her chuckle.

"Oh but it is sky girl, you killed them. All of them, you think you are different from me? Why? Because you did it to save your people? Just like Heda betrayed you to save her people? Wanheda. Do you know why they call you the commander of death? It's because that's what you do, you kill." Clarke dropped her sword and raised her hands to cover her ears.

"I just need to find Lexa..." the commander's name had become a sort of mantra for Clarke while she endured the torture by the Ice Nation.

"Ah yes our dear Leska, do you really think if you find her she will still want you? Broken, weak… covered in scars… you still think she will want your body? Child, she will kill you and take the power of Wanheda for herself" the words had barely left her mouth when a fierce cry came from behind her, opening her eyes she saw Lexa jump into the clearing and cut down the projection of the Queen.

"Lexa…." the figures in the trees faded away too and then she was alone apart from the tall standing commander in front of her.

"Lexa?" Clarke raised a single hand towards the brunette stopping short as she saw she too was beginning to fade.

"Your heart shows no sign of weakness Clarke…" as soon as her name escaped Lexa's lips she was gone and now Clarke was truly alone.

* * *

Lexa and Indra reached the dungeons and stood before them was a beaten Ice Nation warrior, Indra was the first to reach him. Roughly grabbing his jaw and raising it to ensure that he was looking at the commander.

"You will show respect to your Heda maggot!" she spat it against his sweat covered cheek. He didn't respond to her but simply raised his eyes making direct eye contact with the commander of 12 clans. A small smirk on his face, not breaking the disrespectful stare he spoke lowly "My Heda is not here tree climber, I see only a child who plays commander. Queen Nia is the true Heda and she shall…" his words were lost as a knife cut along his bare chest.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Indra was beyond furious.

"Enough Indra, leave us" Lexa's voice was soft, there was no trace of anger in her words.

"Heda…" Indra knew better than to argue with the younger woman, with one last stare at the prisoner she turned to the commander bowing and leaving the room.

The warrior watched as Lexa quietly walked over to the small table that had be put in the room, it was full of torture devices. She shut her eyes for a moment these tools held no use to her, she had been trained in the art of torture by Anya and her ways would make you beg for the tools that lay on the table. She moved to the stove that had been lit and added shards of metal to an iron pot which she then placed in the fire, he watched her confused.

"For now we shall forget our ranks warrior, I am Lexa Kom Tirkru. What is your name?" she leant against the wall watching as the metal began to be liquefied.

"…" no response.

"I would rather not have to hurt you more than necessary; you know that you will die here but how quickly and painless that death can be is your choice" her gaze still trained on the almost ready metal.

"Zakary…kom Azgeda…" his eyes too stuck to the fire.

"Zakary, I have questions. You a have answers, remember what I said before" taking the thick rags she wrapped her hand before removing the small pot. "This is liquid armour, I'm sure you as a Warrior are aware of how hot this is. If this is to touch your skin it shall eat holes in you." She stepped close to the man "I would rather not have to make that happen".

"We both know you must Lexa" she nodded in return before holding out a piece of tough leather for the man to bite down on, he took it.

"Then let's begin" she reached for one of his bound hands and raised it half way up the wall, to his credit he did not fight her nor turn his gaze from hers. She nodded at him again and he nodded back right before the first drops where lined up his bare arm. The noise of his cries must have been heard throughout Polis, the smell of his melting flesh, muscle and bone filling the small room.

After 5 drops lexa released his arm and moved back to the fire putting the pot back into the flames. She then walked to the table retrieving a bowl of water and a rag, the warrior was panting his had gone arm limp, sweat wetting the floor as it fell from his face. Soaking the rag lexa lifted the man's head and damped his brow.

"Well done you were strong, now tell me did you capture Wanheda?" she waited patiently knowing no matter how strong the warrior in front of her was he would need to recover from the pain.

"…" more time passed.

"We…we did" his words barley a whisper.

"Is she dead" Lexa struggled to keep her voice calm.

"She belongs… to Queen Nia" his eyes were starting to refocus on the woman in front of him.

"Is she alive Zakary" she moved to the fire and returned to him again pot in hand, she raised his other arm against the wall.

"Do it" and she did, another 5 drops of metal marking his body. Again, lexa returned the pot to the fire and washed his face.

"….."

"My answer Zakary?" she caressed his face with the rag.

"I don't know…we had her but…ambush…don't know if she made it out…Queen Nia…she's hers now" Lexa's hands were clenched into hard fists.

"what do you mean she belongs to Queen Nia now?" he raised his head and nodded towards the trousers that laid on the floor.

"Check my pocket" his head fell low again, lexa walked over to the item of clothing reaching her hand into the deep pocket and pulling free a long blonde braid.

"Did you do this?" she stroked the hair softly between her slender fingers, Clarke.

"No…not me…was given to me…by the Queen…told to give to Heda…" he watched her back, he could hardly focus on her outline. His body hurt more than it had ever before.

"I knew Costia…" Lexa harshly span around to stare at him.

"Speak true, now" she was in front of him again.

"I knew her, I knew her farther. He came to me and begged for me to save her from the Queen… I tried, the Queen found out…she made me watch…there are not a lot of things that I regret in my life Heda but this, this I hurt from still."

"…."

"The sky girl…she was strong, but we both know that Queen Nia does not keep pets for long" Lexa nodded and turned from him.

"Where is the Queen?" she turned back to him, colder than she had been before.

"I can't…" he ducked his head once more.

For the third-time Lexa retrieved the pot from the fire, holding him steady by the chest she allowed half of liquid to pour down his right lower leg. He passed out very quickly, checking his chest to ensure he was alive she returned the pot and gathered herbs that would wake him.

He came back to with a scream.

"Where is she Zakary, let me end this pain"

"2 days ride North from Ton DC" he sighed defeated.

"She's going for the sky people…" Lexa wasn't asking him but he nodded all the same.

"Rest now Zakary, you have been brave and strong. You shall pass as my equal." She cupped his pale face in her free hand, the other holding a blade to his heart.

"My fight is over…Heda" his eyes were filled with peace the small smile upon his lips.

"Sha my brother, your fight is over" She rested her forehead against his as she pushed the sharp knife into his chest. And then he was gone.

She pulled the knife free, cleaning the blade before returning it to her thigh strap. She called for Indra to enter and the general was there within seconds.

"Heda" Indra looked at the warrior his body limp and broken, she had heard rumours of the commander's torture methods but never before seen the results herself.

"He shall be washed and prepared for burning, he deserves a warrior's funeral." Indra nodded but surprised by the command.

"We shall then make for Ton DC"

"Sha, Heda" the commander must have got the information she needed.

* * *

 **well there it is campers hope you liked it! I know you are all thinking please don't tell me they are going to miss each other!... no promises! please review**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring!**


	4. Chapter 4

**hello campers! heres campter 4! had a lot of fun writing this chapter but it was also hard I kept changing my mind and having to go back and re-write it hahaha we are getting close now to lexa and Clarke being reunited!**

 **disclaimer don't own anything...like at all**

 **hope you enjoy it please review if I get more than 4 ill update tomorrow! please let me know if theres anything in the story you would love to see happen!**

 **on with the show!**

 **Chapter 4**

Sunrise began to light the ground as Clarke added more wood to the fire, she looked again for perhaps the 1000th time towards Ton DC Niylah still had yet to return. To say that Clarke was worried would be an understatement, she looked up to the now light blue sky and sighed. Silently she began packing up the camp, she hadn't slept and hadn't eaten.

Extinguishing the fire, she grabbed both her's and Niylah's packs and headed in the direction of Ton DC, she had to find her friend no matter how dangerous.

"She's going to kill me for this" she muttered aloud. An hour later as she began to see the outskirts of the village, she had seen a few scouts in the woods but had managed to get pass them unseen. Her clothes where grounder clothes but she still doubted she could sneak in without someone recognising her as Skaikru.

She needed a plan, why would they have captured Niylah? Where would they hold her? Would they have killed her? Panic filling her chest and she began walking towards the village not even noticing her movements, she was close now and she could hear grounders talking. As she reached the first building she was suddenly dragged inside an open door and pinned to the wall, a hand coving her mouth in case she screamed.

"Shh…" the figure implored.

Clarke nodded she couldn't make out the strangers face but knew it was man even his shh was deep, his head was turned to the door searching the area checking to see if they had been seen. When he was happy they hadn't he turned back to Clarke, pulling his hood down. Clarke remembered his face immediately.

"We meet again little sun, come with me" Roan removed his hand from her face and grabbed her wrist to pull her further into the building. Clarke forcefully pulled her arm free.

"Don't…don't touch me" he saw the panic in her eyes, he had seen that look before more times than he would like to count. This is what his mother was good at, putting that look in people's eyes. Making them fear even the gentlest of touches, he clenched his jaw tightly and looked at the blonde. "As you wish, now come we need to be very careful here. Ton DC is no longer safe for you sky girl" Clarke nodded her heart starting to calm slightly.

They moved silently and quickly through the dark damaged building, Clarke could tell they were descending underground the air was cooler and damp.

They reached a large metal door that looked so old and heavy that it shouldn't be able to move at all, Roan knocked on it 4 times paused then knocked twice more. The door opened slowly and a man came into view, his sword in hand ready to kill them both where they stood. His eyes moved to Roan and he bowed slightly then he looked at Clarke and believe it or not he bowed even lower.

"Wanheda, Prince Roan" he stepped aside and allowed them to enter.

Once inside Clarke had to squint as her eyes were flooded with light, there was a whole village down here.

"Where are we?" she asked Roan.

"Welcome to _Wonkru,_ little sun" Roan began to move them through the bunker, stalls lined the sides with weapons, food, armor and medicines.

"One Clan?" Clarke asked.

"Hmm I'm impressed Wanheda, you speak our language" Roan nodded to some warriors that passed by them. They were coming up to tents now as far as the eye can see, and to their left a pool of water that was fed by a water fall trickling down the side of rocks.

"No, well not much. So, this is Wonkru? And what is Wonkru exactly?" they reached a large tent and Roan pulled back the material allowing Clarke to enter first.

"Please sit, there is much I need to tell you" Clarke took the seat offered to her, the tent was very similar to the one she had awoken in when Niylah had saved her life.

"First I need to know where Niylah is" Clarke was facing Roan now as he took a seat at the small table next to her.

"Ah yes Niylah, my sister" Clarke studied the Prince's face, she couldn't deny there was some resemblance there.

"Well she…" he was interrupted as Niylah forcefully stormed into the tent and rushed to Clarkes side. Kneeling in front of her, careful not to touch the blonde woman though.

"Ai skirik deimekia! Clarke forgive me! I tried to come back for you but" Clarke cut her off by raising two fingers gently to her lips. (my little sun)

"Stop Niylah, I'm just happy your safe" Clarke smiled at the grounder that was knelt on the ground in front of her.

"Your brother here, was just about to tell me where the hell we are" Niylah looked at Roan then.

"Brother" she nodded.

"Little sister, come join us on a… chair perhaps" the smirk on his face very clear, Niylah stood tall and smacked him gentle as she passed to take the other free chair. He chuckled lightly before returning his attention to Clarke.

"As I was saying this is Wonkru, we are those who are loyal to Heda and the coalition. Ton DC has been overrun with Ice Nation warriors, my… Our mother the Queen intentends to over throw Heda and take her place, she has taken Ton DC and her next move is to take Skaikru." He stood grabbed three cups and a jug of water before returning to the table and filling the cups. He handed one to Clarke and Niylah before serving himself.

"We can't let her do that, with Skaikru weapons she will be too strong. I was hoping that you and my sister would have made it to Polis by now to force Lexa's hand, the time for peace has ended we must act now to stop our mother" Niylah nodded in response, her and Roan had already fought over how long it had been since they had broken Clarke free.

"Heda..." came from Clarkes lips.

"What?" Roan had turned back to the blonde woman upon hearing the commanders title.

"You shall address her with her title Prince Roan" Clarke stood and moved over to the coal stove to warm her hands.

"Of course Wanheda, forgive me. I shall take my leave I'm sure my sister will be able to answer any further questions you might have." Roan walked to the tent opening as he was called again.

"Wait… We need to send word to the commander of your mother's plans" she didn't turn to look at him.

"Sha, consider it done" and with that he left the two women alone.

Silence fell around them as Clarke took in her new accommodation, Niylah sat rubbing her hands anxiously she was sure that Clarke would be angry at her from keep this information from her. The silence was deafening.

"Little sun…" Niylah tired.

"No…you don't get to call me that" Clarke turned around to face the grounder.

"You lied to me…"

"NO! no I never lied! Clarke I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my mother but…" it was Clarke's turn to interrupt'.

"Your mother? You mean the woman who tortured me for weeks, starved me, beat me, cut, burnt, ripped me apart?" Clarke tore away the clothes that covered her chest till all she wore was her bindings. Niylah had seen the scars before of course but that still didn't help the shock of being shown again. She turned her eyes from the smaller girl, tears threatening to fall.

"LOOK AT ME!" Clarke was consumed by her anger and the more she looked at the grounder in front of her the more she saw the Queen.

"Clarke…" Niylah pleaded.

"Look at what you did to me! no, no not you." Clarke shook the image of the Queen out of her mind and looked up again at her friend. "Niylah…"

Niylah said nothing just watched as Clarke struggled to right herself, if only she could touch her. Stroke that pain away like she had tried to do when she had first met the girl, but Clarke would never allow it.

"Her blood runs in your veins… she made me hers" Clarkes eyes hazed over and her body swayed slightly.

"No Clarke, you are no one's! I'll never let her touch you again! You are safe! Do you hear me?" Niylah barely had time to catch the smaller woman as she fell to the floor. Niylah sat with Clarke safe in her lap on the floor, she gently ran a hand through the blonde uneven hair and leaned down to lay a small kiss on her head breathing in her sweet scent.

"I'll never let her touch you again, I…I love you my little sun I shall never let anyone touch you again" the promised losted to the silent space.

* * *

Lexa, Indra and the 50 warriors they had brought with them where an hours ride from Ton DC when she had spotted a scouting group to their east. This is not something that would have normally concerned her but that morning and the group that were scouting out of Tirkru formation had trigged corncern. She halted the group and called Indra to bring the scouts to her, her concern grew as a fight broke out, the scouts were triying to flee back towards Ton DC.

The group was brought to kneel before their Heda as lexa dismounted her horse, she looked at the five warriors kneeling at her feet.

"Why would you run from your Heda brothers?" none of them spoke, they were dressed in Tirkru clothes their faces painted in mud. She bent down to the one in front of her and with tow fingers under his chin raised his face to her's "Water" she demanded and as she raised her hand a water skin was placed in it. She raised the skin above the warrior's head and emptied the sack, next she used a rag from her pocket to clear some of the mud from the warrior's face. Branding scars coming into view "Azgeda…" mummers from the warriors behind her started at the word.

Lexa stood and spoke again to Indra "The ice nation has taken Ton DC, send word to polis that I require my army. Send a scouting party to Ton DC they can ware these traitors clothes they won't need them" Indra nodded and began instructing half of her best scouts to go to Ton DC and the other half to Polis. Next she ordered camp to be made and for guards to watch their boarders, once done she returned to lexa's side.

"And the traitors Heda?" Lexa looked at the five in front of her.

"Find out what they Know, then kill them" Lexa turned from them and walked towards a slim but strong grounder, he bowed slightly as she approached.

"Heda, how may a serve you?" Lexa took him by the arm and walk them to the far side of camp so they wouldn't be heard.

"Alec, I have a mission for you. There is a safe haven under the ground of Ton DC, a strong hold if you will. If there are any loyal warriors left that is where they shall be, go find them send word of my arrival." The young grounder nodded silently, this was not the first time that Heda had given him such a task. He was known for being able to sneak into enemy camps without sound or sight.

"Go now, return fast" another nod and then he was gone.

Lexa watched him disappear into the woods as she curled her hands into fists Queen Nia would pay for this, for Clarke. Clarke… Lexa closed her eyes as her mind was flooded with images of the sky girl _"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving… don't we deserve better than that?"_ Clarke deserved better than that. And she had betrayed her, left her and now she was gone. Lexa would not fail her again; she will kill the Queen and welcome Skaikru to her coalition.

* * *

Clarke sat up suddenly as she awoke confused for a moment before she remembered where she was and what had happened right before everything went black.

"Niylah?" she called into the space. Suddenly the tent door opened and the female grounder entered and large smile on her face.

"Little…I mean Clarke, your awake. This is good how are you feeling?" Clarke didn't miss the mistake part of her feeling guilty for their fight before but the other half of her wanted to shout and punch and kick the taller woman.

"How long have I been out for?" Clarke rubbed her face free of sleep and stood to stretch her tight muscles.

"Half a day, you needed the rest" Clarke nodded in response.

"Hungry?" at the mention of food Clarkes belly made a loud groan and Niylah laughed gently.

"I'll take that as a yes, come a pig has been roasted" Clarke left the tent to follow, as she walked everyone was bowing and murmuring "Wanheda" at her. So, this must be what it's like for Lexa. Wait Lexa!

"Niylah, we need to get to Polis. We have to speak with the commander." Niylah nodded but didn't stop walking till they Reached a long table were Roan sat eating with other grounders, some of which we remembered from the battle of the mountain.

"Brother" Niylah nodded before taking a seat, Clarke followed suite.

"Wanheda, Sister. Please eat you will need your energy for the battles ahead" and they did mostly in silence, but it was far from being comfortable.

After ten minutes or so a warrior approached Roan whispering in his ear.

"I see, bring him to my tent" the warrior nodded bowed then left.

"Excuse me there is a matter that requires my attention" he bowed slightly and left the table.

"What's that about?" Clarke asked Niylah.

"I'm not sure, my brother is in charge down here. He's the one who managed to save all these people by warning the village ahead of my mother arriving, he will make a good king one day" Clarke nodded.

"Niylah about earlier…" Niylah shook her head and turned to the blond.

"No, I shall not hear your apologies. I should have told you but… but I didn't want you to hate because of who my… who my mother is" they were both silent for a moment before Clarke spoke again.

"I don't hate you" Niylah stiffened at the words before standing, her back to a surprised Clarke.

"Can you come with me I can't do this here" Clarke stood and followed the grounder back to their tent.

* * *

It had been 8 hours since Lexa had sent Alec to Ton DC, he should have been back by now. She paced her large tent, knife in hand as a voice from outside called.

"Heda"

"Come" she stopped her pacing as a bloody Alec stood before her.

"Are you hurt?" he shook his head lightly her guess would be because of the head wound that was still bleeding slightly.

"No, Heda. They were just a little surprised to have company" a cheeky smile rested on his face.

"You found them?"

"Sha Heda, right where you said they would be. 200 warriors and most of the civilians too, they are being led by Prince Roan Kom Azgeda." Lexa sat on her throne and nodded for him to continue.

"He said that it is their belief that the Queen wishes to take Skaikru and with their weapons and her army…over throw you Heda" he swallowed a breath has Lexa forcefully stuck her knife into the arm of her throne.

"He suggests that you combine your armies to take back Ton DC tonight when the moon is at its highest. When you attack, they shall attack from within" he bowed again to signal then end of his information.

"Very well then attack we shall, bring me Indra we shall plan the battle" he bowed and left.

Lexa walked over to her war table and looked down at her map of Ton DC ready to plan her attack.

"I'm coming for you Nia" Lexa spat through gritted teeth.

* * *

Clarke and Niylah had been stood in the tent for a good ten minutes neither of them had muttered a single word yet.

"Ok that's enough I can't stand this silence" Clarke slumped herself in a chair and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Your right, Clarke I have to tell you something and I need to you hear all of it before you speak" Clarke looked slightly worried over this, what else had her friend been hiding from her. "Ok Niylah, whatever it is just say it".

"Clarke…"

"….."

"Urgh this is so hard… Clarke since I met you my feelings have" She was interrupted as Roan entered the tent suddenly.

"Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything but I must speak with you both" Niylah growled slightly which caused Clarke to giggle. Which earned her a glare from the tall grounder.

"What is it Roan?" Clarke motioned for him to sit.

"I just spoke with a messenger of Heda's…" Clarke rushed to her feet.

"Is she here?!"

"Please Wanheda let me finish" Clarke sat again but her legs bounced up and down in excitement? Anger? Hate? Love? She didn't have the head space to think about that right now.

"As I was saying a messenger from Heda arrived today, she and 50 of her warriors camp an hour ride from here. They know Ton DC has fallen and are here to reclaim it with our help, I know you must have questions but we have little time. Tonight, we attack from within as her army will attack from outside, together we shall over throw the Queen and end her rein. Clarke… I haven't said you are here, we need her to be focused on the task at hand I hope you will understand" Clarke swallowed the disappointment but nodded her understanding.

"Niylah prepare Wanheda for battle, tonight we end this" both woman nodded in understanding. Roan stood and embraced his sister. "Protect your heart little sister, protect Clarke" Niylah held him back tightly "Sha brother" they separated and he left.

Niylah turned back to Clarke and motioned for her to prepare for the upcoming battle, once they were both in they leather's and had painted their faces with war paint Niylah turned back to Clarke.

"Stay close to me, I shall protect you." Clarke shook her head no.

"We shall protect each other" a horn ran out from within the bunker signaling the start of the battle, all the warriors going to the door they had been assigned they would flood Ton DC from 5 different points.

"It's time" Clarke called out as she looked at the entrance of her tent.

"Wait… I'm sorry for this" as soon as the words had left Niylah's lips she surged forward and captured Clarkes mouth with her own. "I love you little sun" Niylah stood back to look at the sky girl she had just confessed to only to see tears rolling down a slumped head.

"Clarke…"

No response was given as Clarke simply pushed past the grounder to leave the tent ready for the battle, in her mind that wasn't Niylah that had just kissed her but instead it had been Nia. It even tasted like the Queens lips, bitter and bloody. As Clarke reached the door they would leave from she was aware that Niylah as behind her, then she was running forward with the rest of the warriors ready to reclaim their home. Clarke roared with them and part of her was calling for the blade that would strike her down in battle and end this pain that consumed her.

* * *

 **soooooooo what do we think?**

 **how we feeling about Niylah?**

 **are you excited about lexa and Clarke finally reuniting?**

 **do you want an update TOMORROW? if yes then please review if I get 4 or more ill make sure to get one out tomorrow afternoon!**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello campers!**

 **wow so much response on the last chapter really made my day! and as promised I got busy with writing for you! big thanks to:**

 **the guest reviews!** **goodfictiongoodescape** **nikonfriend**

 **and for everyone else you followed or faved the story means so much to me!** **as all ways I don't own anything**

 **playing with the idea of writing myself into the story hehehe just as a grounder or something hehe anyway on with the show! its Clexa time!**

 **and ill make another deal with you! if I get 5 more reviews today ill upload before midnight tonight (English time! its currently 11:45 am here) please let me know if theres anything you would love to see happen in the story!**

 **Chapter 5**

Lexa stood in front of her men, her war paint lining her eyes her swords drawn as they waited for the signal from the Wonkru. She and her warriors had already eliminated the ice nation warriors that scouted the woods surrounding Ton DC, at the right moment they would strike and show no mercy to these traitors.

"Heda" Indra quietly called to her commander not taking her eyes off the village.

"Sha Indra" as she spoke her breath turned into mist in the cool air.

"We shall take justice for our people, for Costia…for Clarke" Indra knew this was a risk, speaking so informally to the commander.

"Sha Indra we shall… thank you sister" Indra swallowed the term down as her chest filled with pride. The next moment a horn blasted through the village and ice nation warriors drew their weapons looking for the non-existent attack.

"Hold…." Lexa called to the restless warriors behind her.

Then she saw her.

Queen Nia was surrounded by her personal guard and being relocated to a building, Lexa needed to confirm that she was there.

"JUS DREIN JUS DAUN!" Lexa shouted at the top of her voice and was joined by the rest of her warriors calling the same as they rushed forward sweeping through the village. The battle had begun!

She was fighting her way through the ice nation desperate to reach the queen as the warriors from the bunker below flooded free to join the fight. She threw a spear into a guard on the door that protected her target, she sword cutting through another faceless body and then another and another till she ripped the doors open Indra and her two personal guards behind her. All four warriors coated in blood, the room was empty they rushed through building. Nothing.

"Where is she!?" Lexa demanded.

"HEDA!" called Indra from her left.

Lexa rushed to her side to look through the boarded window, Nia sat smirking at her on horseback before she and her personal guard made for the woods.

"Heda the battle" Indra tried.

"Send someone to track her, NOW!" Indra nodded and left. Lexa re-joined the battle allowing her anger to be released on the warriors left behind. A flash of yellow to her left drew her attention as she saw a grounder knocked to the floor by giant ice nation warrior, Lexa crouched down to pick up a spear long forgotten and made for the man. She ran up a cart and vaulted herself through the air at her target as he brought his sword high above his head ready to end the girl's life, with a second to spare she hit him deep in his chest both of them falling to the ground the warrior landing on his back with Lexa on top of him. Lexa turned to see if the girl was still alive but as soon as she looked up her view was blocked by the back of another woman her hair a golden brown, for some reason she wanted to push the woman aside but she had little time to ponder that as a war cry of another ice nation warrior heading her way reached her trained ears. Pulling to her feet she ran at the oncoming threat.

* * *

Niylah twisted the sword that she had just buried inside a Azgeda woman no taller or older than her before pulling it back and slicing her throat. She turned as the dying woman fell to the ground her eyes searching for Clarke and that's when she saw the commander flying through the air to impale a man the size of a tree and at his feet the woman she loved. She moved without thinking putting her body in between Clarkes and lexa's effectively blocking their view of each other.

"Are you hurt?" Clarke stared at her dazed.

"No… I don't think so. What happened he was on me one moment and the next…" Clarke turned her head to look at the dead giant on the ground "Did you? You saved me." Niylah knew she should deny it but she just couldn't not when Clarke was looking at her like that.

"Thank you…" Niylah nodded and helped Clarke to stand before they both rushed back into the battle. As they took down two warriors each they turned to face the next threat only to be met with cheers of victory from the allies all around them. They had won, they had reclaimed their land from the traitors. Niylah called across to Clarke a grin spread across her face "You know my people often thank another for saving their life with a kiss…" she ended with a wink. Clarke turned to look at her taking a deep breath "Fine then grounder, here" she grabbed both of Niylah's wrists holding them down between them so she couldn't reach up and touch her, and then she forcefully brought her lips to the grounders.

To say that Niylah was surprised would be an understatement before she could even think about kissing Clarke back the contact was gone but the sting on her lips was still there. They stared at each other before they heard Clarke's name being called.

"Clarke…" Lexa stood staring at the two women in front of her, she's alive. Clarke is alive and she's kissing another woman.

"Lexa…" Clarke had the breath knocked out of her as she stared into those green eyes that she couldn't get out of her mind since she met the woman. She dropped Niylah's hands and took a step towards the commander, reaching a hand out to touch her. To make sure she was real.

Lexa quickly stepped forward catching the offered hand with her own needing to know the blonde woman was real too, she looked at the grounder who Clarke had just kissed giving her a very clear message to not follow before she gently pulled Clarke away to the building that Nia had recently hid in.

Clarke followed wordlessly her eyes fixed on their joined hands there was no pain, why is it that every touch someone has given her since she was in that cave has hurt like a knife cutting into her but now with her hand clasped securely in Lexa's she feels nothing but warmth.

Clarke barely notices that they are alone until Lexa's hand is gone from her's she looks around questioningly until her eyes fall back on lexa, there's no light in this room no warmth. She could only see Lexa due to the moonlight that was seeping through the cracks in the boarded windows. Forest green eyes were boring into her blue pools, then those eyes started to trace Clarkes body and a voice filled her mind " _Do you really think she still wants you? Want's your body, now that it's broken, weak… scared. Come now child the only person who will ever truly want you again is me"_ Clarke wrapped her arms around her shaking body trying to hide herself, what if she could see them? What if Lexa could see every weakness, every scar under her clothes?

"Clarke I thought…" Clarke's head snapped up to stare at the usually controlled commander to see pain etched across her beautiful face.

"You thought I was dead?" Lexa stiffened noticeably at the words.

"Yes, we found one of the men that took you...he...he had a lock of your hair" Clarke drew one hand up to feel the broken strands of hair that had been ripped from her head by Queen Nia and she remembered exactly how it had happened.

" _Wanheda, my strong, brave Wanheda." Nia Murmured into Clarke's neck as she dragged the sharp knife up her inner thigh. "Will you cry out for me?" she applied more pressure cutting a long line from knee to 10cm from her groin. Clarke tried to contain it but the days upon days of torture had weakened her, she just wanted to sleep. The scream sounded alien to her as it escaped her throat "That's it, very good. You Know I should have killed you days ago but you are just so much fun… but it is time for our dear Leska to find out that I have you my pet" Clarke looked up at the mention of the commander's name just as the knife came to cut a handful of Clarke's hair._

 _Nia held it out in front of her face a sickening smirk on her lips as she brought the hair down to Clarke's open wound and ran it through the dark red blood. "This way she will know that you are being treated well while you're here with us" Tears ran down her blood-stained face. She wished Lexa wouldn't have to go through this again._

" _Hmm perhaps that's what I'll do this time, I'll send little bits of you to her" Then she sank her teeth deeply into Clarkes shoulder, the scream was all consuming this was Nia's favourite form of torture and by far the worse to endure. The feel of her lips, teeth and then tongue lapping up the blood she had caused to flow._

" _So tasty...now tell me who do you belong to?" Nia licked Clarke's blood off her lips._

" _I am... yours" Clarke's head fell low in defeat as the older woman's laugh filled the cave._

"Clarke?" Lexa called in concern, Clarke snapped back to the present searching the room for the Queen but only finding Lexa.

"Make it stop… Lexa please I can't be angry at you just please… just… just do something" Lexa stalked forward slowly, reaching one hand up to cup the back of Clarke's head.

"Sha, Klark" Then she softly kissed the smaller woman and all the images and sounds of Nia vanished and all that was left was Lexa and her lips stroking across hers. Clarke kissed her back getting lost in the warmth of her mouth, here right now was the first time since the mountain that Clarke truly felt safe.

They kissed for what felt like hours, soft and caring until Clarke traced Lexa's bottom lip with her tongue. Lexa opened her mouth and let their tongues meet, a moan deep in her chest when they began to fight for dominance. Clarke raked her fingers into Lexa's brown locks and pulled her closer, Lexa moaned again and Clarke was sure she was going to become addicted to the sound. Lexa walked them backwards till Clarke's back made contact with the wall behind her, it was her turn to moan this time. Lexa hearing the noise only kissed her more forcefully her hands coming down to Clarke's hips gripping them passionately, and then the walls came crashing back up and Clarke harshly pushed the taller woman away from her.

"NO!" Clarke yelled at the top of her throat and in seconds Niylah came bursting through the door Indra hot on her heels.

"Clarke!" she rushed to the blond girl who was staring at Lexa in shock, she ignored the other people in the room.

"Lexa I'm sorry I just… I just…" Lexa raised one hand to silence her.

"There is nothing to apologize for… Indra please can you see that Wanheda and her… companion have a tent prepare for them next to mine" Lexa didn't turn away from Clark's face as she spoke.

"Sha Heda… the men they…" Lexa nodded.

"Yes of course they need to be addressed" she looked once more at Clarke before leaving the building.

"Wanheda, Princess Niylah if you will come with me" Indra didn't wait for a reply simply began to leave, she heard them follow in silence.

* * *

Their tent was just to the left of Lexa's any closer and they might as well of all shared a tent, Clarke decided immediately that she did not like the idea of that. She got the impression that neither Lexa nor Niylah did very well at sharing, this was going to get messy she could just tell.

"She touched you, didn't she?" Clarke turned to look at Niylah who stood near the exit of the tent still in her full leathers and bloody weapons. Clarke had already removed some of her's and the only weapon on her was a knife strapped to her belt.

"Yes, but she didn't know not to Niylah…" the taller grounder had started pacing as Clarke spoke.

"Where did she touch"

"That's none of your business." The reply had been harsher than it was meant, Niylah stopped her pacing and stared at the blond sky girl.

"Isn't it? Clarke, you know how I feel about you" Clarke sighed deeply and nodded.

"I know Niylah but… but I can't do this right now, I need space I'm sorry but I need more time" Niylah came to stand in front of the shorter woman her gaze moving from her eyes to her lips and back again. Clarke tensed preparing for another kiss from her…friend?

"I shall wait for you Clarke even if I have to wait 50 summers, I shall wait" Niylah turned and walked to the exit of the tent "Wash, I shall see to my brother then we can talk some more" and with that she was gone.

* * *

Lexa forcefully pushed through into her tent grabbing an empty basin on the side and purpling it through the air with such force she was surprised it didn't rip a hole through the canvas. Nia had escaped, she had lost good men in the battle, Clarke had feared her… Clarke was alive. Relief flooded through her and she slumped to her knees in a very un-commander like fashion. She was so lost in the feeling she hardly registered the person entering from behind.

"Lexa?" Clarke had heard a loud crash as she had been putting on new clothes and washing her face which was now thankfully blood free. When she saw the commander on her knees fear rushed through her and she came to rest next to the kneeling grounder.

"Are you hurt?!" Clarkes hands came up to cup the brunettes face searching for signs of pain.

"Clarke? What? No, no I'm fine…I just…" Clarke nodded deciding not to push it happy to just know that the other woman wasn't injured.

"Can you stand?" Lexa nodded and they both began rising to their feet, Clarke took a step back to give them some space. Lexa saw this and instinctively took a step closer not wanting the distance between them.

"You fear me" Not a question it was a statement.

"NO… it's just… things have changed Lexa… you betrayed me, left me and my people to die on that mountain…I killed them you know, all of them. Men, woman even… children, their blood is on my hands! And then the Bellamy he…he…and the ice nation. I'm not the same anymore Lexa…I'm broken, weak." Lexa took another step closer to the fragile woman.

"NO" Clarke took another step back needing the distance "You can't touch me, whenever someone touches me it hurts... or worse when you touch me, when you kiss me it…it doesn't" Lexa was trying to keep calm to stop herself from shouting out all the questions she had, to keep her mask on.

"It doesn't hurt when I touch you?" Clarke nodded.

"What about your…companion" Clarke's eyes flickered up to meet Lexa's.

"It hurts" Lexa nodded she wasn't sure if that was good news or bad news.

"You want it to hurt when I touch you"

"Yes…No, I don't know… it's too confusing" Again Lexa gave her a soft nod.

"When I kissed your earlier, you were fine till I moved my hands correct" Clarke re-watched the scene in her head, her lips still tingled from their fevered kisses.

"Yes"

"I swear I shall keep my hands away from you Klark" Clarke felt a shiver of pleasure at hearing her name spoken by the commander. "I won't kiss or touch you again unless you ask me too" they stared at each other for a moment as the promise settled into both of them.

"Heda" Indra called from outside the tent, Clarke made to leave but was stopped when Lexa point to the nearby war table.

"Please stay" Clarke nodded and took a seat.

"Come" Indra entered swiftly stopping to bow at the commander and then seeing Clarke bowed to her as well.

"Heda, Wanheda. I have news on Queen Nia" Clarke stiffened at the name but tried to hide it, Lexa noticed of course and went to sit on her throne.

"Go on"

"My men followed her and the rest of her traitors to the woods near Skaikru, there she met with a dark-skinned man that she called Pike" Clarke stood and walked over to the grounder general.

"Pike?"

"Sha Wanheda, it would seem that he is working with the ice nation. They do not plan to take Skaikru by force but to make an alliance with them, he led them inside the walls…Skaikru are no longer allies to us Heda" Clarke was shocked, she didn't know what to say.

"Commander when I left my mother and Kane were in charge if Pike has taken over he must be holding them hostage…"

"Indra how many strong are they?"

"It's hard to say without having someone inside"

"I'll go" Indra and Lexa turned to look at Clarke, she held her ground careful not to show the fear she felt.

"Indra she will not go alone arrange your best men to accompany her, Clarke you go in find the information you need and then get out my men will take you and wait for you. You must not be seen do you understand me?"

Both Indra and Clarke straightened at their orders and called in sync "Sha, Heda."

Indra left first leaving Clarke and Lexa alone again.

"You will go in with someone I trust to get you in and out safely" Clarke nodded.

"I will not leave you behind again Klark, I swear." And she meant every word.

* * *

 **thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **let me know! as I said if I get 5 reviews ill update tonight!**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring! x**


	6. Chapter 6

**hello campers! its great to hear about how much you lot are enjoying the story so far! thank you to everyone that review, faved and flowed I feel very blessed!**

 **now I know some of you want this whole Niylah vs Lexa fight to stop and it will but I want to look into it a bit more first, no one will be hurt... too bad anyway.**

 **I don't own anything etc**

 **enjoy!**

 **Chapter 6**

The best word to describe how Niylah was feeling would be furious, she had never felt anger like this before. She was already trying hard to keep her emotions to herself, knowing that the commander had touched Clarke and that Clarke wouldn't tell her where. But she could guess, she saw the way that Heda had looked at the sky girl. She knew that look, the same she would bet that was on her face whenever she was close to Clarke.

She had just found out from the Tirkru general that Clarke had agreed to going back to Skaikru even though they were under the control of the ice nation, basically a fucking suicide mission. She stormed towards the commander's tent, respect be damned. She didn't call out before forcefully entering to find lexa and four other warriors discussing strategies for the upcoming fights.

Lexa looked up at the intruder then back to her generals addressing them directly "Leave us, ensure the provisions are in place before sunrise" a chorus or "sha, Heda" was heard as they left the two women alone.

"Princess Niylah I assume" lexa sat on her throne twisting her knife in the wood of the arm.

"What are you thinking sending Clarke into that camp?!" Lexa raised one eyebrow at the tone and demand of the other woman. No one speaks to her in this way.

"Firstly you will refer to Wanheda by her title while in my presence, further more you shall know your place Princess or ill have your tongue" she stabbed the wood loudly with the blade and left the knife there to prove her point.

"Now Wanheda was not forced into this task, she volunteered. She is the right person for the mission, she led them before. She can do it again" Lexa knew this was the right move for her people but that did little to help ease the sickness she felt in her gut.

"You have no idea what she's been through, my mother she… you can't send her back in there, not with Nia in charge. If she finds her…" Lexa was silent for a moment. Roan had told her about the rescuing of Clarke and how his sister nursed her back to health.

"But you do don't you" Niylah looked away for a moment, she wouldn't share the images of Clarkes body with anyone especially the commander.

"Interesting" Niylah looked back at her then, lexa could see the fire burning in her eyes.

"You love her" a statement, and for a moment Niylah wanted to deny it.

"I do" Lexa stood then and walked pass the Ice nation royal.

"Hodnes laik kwelnes." And then Lexa was gone. (Love is weakness)

* * *

Clarke strapped her sword to her back after pulling on some Skaikru clothes that had been left at Ton DC before the attack on the mountain, she looked down at herself. "This isn't me anymore"

"No, its not" Lexa was standing just pass the doorway of the armoury.

"When do we leave?" Lexa walked over to one of the shelves that only the commander used and pulled free a large dagger and holder.

"Now" she then walked towards Clarke and handed the shorter girl the weapon.

"Take this it is light but sharp, Skaikru weapons are loud. You must be as silent as snow fall, you have gotten better with a blade I see" Clarke blushed slightly at the complement, she was pretty sure she could listen to Lexa speak for days.

"We need to talk when I'm back, about the mountain." Lexa nodded.

"We do, we also need to talk about your friend and more importantly about us" Clarke couldn't help the annoyance that built up inside her.

"Us? Lexa, you left me behind! And what is it with you and Niylah acting like you need to mark your territory? Like I belong to either of you!" Again, that voice filled her mind " _You belong to me, my pet"_

"I made that decision with my head and not my heart Clarke…I do care about you" Clarke finished strapping the dagger to her thigh, the same way lexa wore her's.

"We can't do this now, commander." Lexa withdrew slightly at the title before nodding and following the blond outside where Alec, Indra and 4 other warriors stood waiting.

"Clarke this is Alec, he will go in with you. The rest of us with join you till the wall and then wait in the shadows of the trees in case you might need us, you will all protect Wanheda with your lives. She must return" all present confirmed their mission standing tall feeling nothing but honour.

"Skirik deimekia" Clarke turned at the familiar call to see Niylah approaching in her leathers a sword at her side, her war paint reapplied. "I'm coming with you, I made a promise that I intent to keep" Lexa gritted her teeth at the Nickname as she watched Clarke trying to talk the grounder out of joining the mission.

"Wanheda its time" Clarke paused half way through begging Niylah to stay to look at Lexa.

"Right, ok" they all began to move to the tree line, they would travel on foot and it was a good 2-hour walk to camp Jaha. Finally, they reached a safe distance so not to been seen by the guards on the walls.

Clarke and Alec were quietly talking about the inside of the camp; he would be able to get them in and out easier if he knew the layout. After a few minutes Lexa came to join them to discuss how they should signal if they needed help, then Alec went to find them a way in.

"Clarke… you told me once that life should be about more than just surviving, do you remember?" Lexa kept her face towards the camp.

"That we deserved better"

"Yes, and then I kissed you… I want that Clark, for you, for my people. And for me, that's why I kissed you." Clarke stared at her.

"I wanted you to… I'm not sure for how long, and I'm not going to say that I wasn't shocked at first. But I wanted you to." Lexa nodded in understanding

"Come back Clarke, please" they both looked at each other, just simply enjoying the moment of honesty. Alec returned explaining that he had found their way in, Clarke nodded and turned to look for Niylah but the tall grounder was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Niylah?" Lexa turned too then.

"She ran off a few moments ago said she would be back" Indra called back, Clarke knew what the grounder was doing. She was going to try and find a way inside.

"Clarke you need to go" Clarke nodded and looked at lexa again trying to memorize every inch of the commander's face.

"May we meet again"

"May we meet again" they held arms for a moment and god Clarke wanted to kiss her, but not here not now. And then she was moving quickly through the trees alongside Alec, they reached the opening that Alec had made in the fence and pulled in back for her, she slipped inside and made to hide behind the nearest building Alec closely behind her.

They moved silently through the camp finally reaching the holding cells, two guards stood at the doors. She knew them but also knew that they were not loyal to her but most likely to pike.

"We Are going to have to take them down, quietly of course" Alec nodded in response.

"I'll take the one on the left then" Clarke counted to 3 and then they attacked, both guards falling to the floor wordlessly. Clarke opened the door to the cells using one of the guard's key cards and together they pulled the unconscious men inside closing the door soundlessly behind them, once inside Clarke made her was to the security cameras showing the cells and there they were, her mother, Kane, raven, Octavia, Lincoln and many others.

Alec had just finished binding the guard's hands together when Clarke joined him "Come on this way I found them" they rushed to the cells.

"CLARKE?!" her mother called out in surprise.

"Mom, everyone you need to be quiet. This is Alec, Lexa sent him with me to help get you all free and then we can work on taking back camp Jaha" Clarke starting unlocking the cells before her mother jumped on her hugging her tightly, Clarke pushed her away and kept one hand on her shoulder stopping her from doing it again.

"Don't do that… we need to focus… I'll explain later" after debriefing everyone on the plan she pulled Octavia to one side.

"where's Bellamy?" Octavia look broken for a moment before taking a deep breath and telling Clarke that Pike had taken over with the help of her older brother. That it was Bellamy who had introduced Queen Nia and Pike, that it was Bellamy who had locked them all up.

"Coward" Clarke spat out.

"Wanheda, we must move" Alec called out, they were wasting time every second they were in here the more likely they were to get caught.

"Wanheda? Commander of death?" Octavia asked looking at Clarke.

"Long story, right everyone we need to get to the armouring take as much as we can from them. Let's go" they moved as fast as possible, thankfully the armouring was very close to the cells and once they got rid of the guard at the door it was as simple as piling everything into bags and making a break for it.

They had already snuck half of them out Alec going first followed my Raven then Kane, next was Lincoln, then another one and another one. This was working they were all going to make it out of this, wishful thinking perhaps.

Bellamy came rushing out of the ark and called to the guards around the walls "WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!" his men came rushing over to him their guns raised as he spoke hurriedly.

"The cells are empty; our fucking armour is empty! They must have got out somewhere check to walls!" Clarke looked back to the last few who were hurriedly trying to get through the gap, Alec stared back at her as he helped pull another one through.

He shook his no, but Clarke simply smiled at him before running in to the clearing of the camp.

"COWARD!" all guns were suddenly raised to her as she stood dagger in hand, maybe she could take out one of them but the rest would surely gun her down.

"HOLD…. Clarke?" Bellamy slowly approached her his own gun shaking slightly at the sight of her.

"You?! How could you do this Bell?"

"I did what you would have done Clarke, I protected our people" Clarke laughed harshly.

"That's why you caged them like animals, you are nothing but a spineless, gutless coward."

"Enough!" called Pike from the door way of the ark "Lock her up, Bellamy find the hole a fucking patch it" Two men grabbed her harshly pulling her towards the ark.

Once inside they took her to the cells and threw her in harshly she was sure her head was cut from the collision with the floor.

"Wait, please Richards… it is Richards, right?" the guard turned to study her.

"I'm not going to ask you to break me out… I've been here before, locked up, tortured…please don't make me go through it again. Please take my life, please" she saw the conflict in his eyes for a second before the other guard laughed and pushed him away.

"Nice try grounder lover" the door slammed shut behind them, she looked around the room desperately trying to find anything she could end her life with. There was nothing of course, she touched the sore cut on her head pulling her hand back to see the crimson blood. She looked at the wall opposite her and then again at her hands.

"I won't go through this again, my life my choice" she ran at the wall with all her might, head first she slammed into the concrete. She was thrown backwards, her eyes now looking at the blurry roof of the cell. "Not… hard… enough" she barely got the words out as everything went black.

* * *

Alec led Skaikru to the meeting point where Heda would surely take his head once she learnt of Wanheda's capture. They finally reach their destination, the grounders helped load up the bags of guns on to the horses that been rode to them once Clarke and Alec had left.

"Heda" Alec fell to his knees in front of Lexa, she had searched the Skaikru that had arrived, no Clarke.

"What happened?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"We were almost out, they noticed the prisoners where gone and raised the alarms. We wouldn't have made it if Wanheda hadn't caused a distraction" he stayed kneeling his head low.

"Is she alive?"

"Sha, Heda. They took her to the cells"

"Go help with getting Skaikru ready to move to Ton DC"

Alec looked up surprised, she wasn't going to kill him? "Sha, Heda" he rushed off before she changed her mind.

"Commander" Lexa turned to see Kane and Abby approaching.

"Chancellor Kane, council member Griffin." Lexa gave a slight nod.

"Commander my daughter is still in there, Clarke is still in there!" Kane wrapped an arm around the older Griffin trying to comfort her.

"I know, I've just been informed. Now is not the time for attacking blindly, we shall all return to Ton DC and collect our forces. Be assured that I shall not let this pass, we shall rescue Clarke. I won't fail her or your people again" Abby cried softly into Kane's shoulder as he thanked her and took Abby to join the group that had started to move towards Ton DC.

"I'm coming back for you Clarke, be strong" Lexa would make Nia pay.

* * *

 **I know you all most likely hating me that Clarke has been captured...again! but trust me all will be ok and the next chapter is going to delve a little deeper into how much Nia got in to her head**

 **see you soon! love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring**


	7. Chapter 7

**hello campers! here chapter 7 for you I hope you enjoy it!**

 **disclaimer I don't own anything etc**

 **ENJOY!**

 **Chapter 7**

"Enough!" Lexa slammed her hand down loudly on the war table that was surrounded by her generals and the leaders of Skaikru, it was the same room that they had all met in while planning the attack on the mountain. But there was no Clarke this time, silence filled the room.

"Skaikru are part of the coalition now and therefore my people, our people. We protect our people, I will listen to no more arguments on this matter." She paused to ensure that all had understood. "Indra how many men do we have"

"300 and a further 100 with Skaikru and their weapons" lexa nodded looking down at the map.

"Alec, you have been inside. where is their weak spot" The youngest in the room stepped closer to the table and pointed to the wall surrounding the camp.

"This wall can be broken into, but after our last visit they will be watching closely for us to repeat this method. Along the walls there are guards, at least 15 when I went in. Now I would assume they have tripled that number, their focus is the wall and ground. So, their weak spot is"

"From above…" Lexa finished for him.

"Sha Heda, exactly. If we are to fill the surrounding trees with archers, we can reduce the casualties from a head-on assault." Lexa looked him proudly.

"Good, well done Alec. Does anyone have anything to add?" Kane cleared his throat to call attention to himself, his brow had a sheen of sweat across it due to the brand that he had just received by agreeing for Skaikru to become the 13th clan.

"Yes Kane Kom Skaikru?" Lexa noticed his discomfort and reminded herself to have Nyko see to the sky elder.

"There is a passage inside that we could send a small group to, Bellamy knows of it but I'm not sure if Pike does. Also, not all the people in the camp follow Pike, some are simply trying to survive commander." Lexa nodded in understanding.

"Only those loyal to Pike or Queen Nia will be harmed" Kane let out a sigh of relief.

"Very well here is the plan" for the next two hours they ran through outcomes and how many men went were and when finally, everyone was content that they knew the plan Lexa dismissed them.

"Go rest, we march at sunrise… jus drein jus daun" As the room cleared out she called to Kane instructing him to visit her healer before he rested.

Once Lexa was back in her tent she finally allowed her shoulders to drop, the weight of the last 24 hours heavy on her. She looked towards the bed behind her throne knowing that even if she tried to sleep she wouldn't be able to, she moved to the wash basin and started to remove the blood, mud and paint from the battle before. Once clean she re-braided her hair, applied fresh war paint before changing into new clean leathers, once happy that she was the perfect image of the commander of 13 clans she began sharping her weapons.

2 hours to go and then they would end this war, she would ensure that no one hurt Clarke again.

* * *

A soft knock rang through the room, Nia called them to enter, she was busy painting a portrait of her new obsession. Wanheda.

"My Queen, forgive the interruption but you have a visitor." Nia looked up, a waved them to bring this visitor in. She assumed that it would be another one of these spineless sky people here to grovel at her feet. She was wrong.

"Mother" Nia looked up into the eyes of her only daughter.

"Niylah… well now this is a surprise" she lay down her brush and came to stand in front of her child. Holding out her hand, Niylah dropped to her knees taking the offered limb and kissed it lightly.

"Last I heard you were off running around with that traitor of a brother of yours" Niylah stood and stepped back a pace to give them both space.

"Can we skip the small talk mother"

"Hmm very well, what do you want child" Nia moved back to her previous seat taking the paint brush back in hand.

"End this mindless war mother, Heda will kill every Ice nation man, woman and child before she lets you take her throne" Nia chuckled lightly.

"Have you ever broken a horse Niylah? Well to truly own a horse you must break its spirit first, take... Wanheda for example" Nia turned the painting towards the other woman. Niylah gasped as she looked at the image of Clarke on the paper, not the Clarke she knew but a haunted blood soaked copy.

"First you have to break their body, then their spirit, their heart and when you have taken everything from them. Then they are truly yours." Nia watched her daughter, she was not a good hider when it came to her emotions.

"Mother…"

"I don't want to just take her throne you foolish girl, I want to break her" Niylah had been a fool to think she could convince her mother to leave, she felt the blade that she had slipped up her sleeve. An idea given to her by Clarke when they spoke of her dead friend that she had taken the life of, she would do this. End this war, revenge Clarke. She was ready to pounce when another knock came at the door.

"My Queen, another visitor for you" called the male guard on the other side of the door.

"My how popular I am tonight, send them in" the door opened and a young messy hair man entered.

"Ah its Bellamy correct?" He nodded his eye's scanning Niylah wearily. His name she knew, the coward who had turned Clarke over to her mother.

"Your… Majesty, Chancellor Pike wanted me to inform you that we have captured… Wanheda and hold her in her cells" He choked on the words, what had he become?

"Oh is that so, hear that child my pet has returned home. Boy what news of the so-called commander?" He stiffened at the nickname she had given him.

"Our scouts say she will attack us head on at sunrise, my men protect our walls. They will fail."

"Hmm is that so, well then when our brave Heda arrives bring Wanheda to me. Let's give them a show… oh and boy put my daughter here to good use. Put her on the wall with the rest of your brave men" Bellamy nodded and motioned for the grounder to follow him.

* * *

Lexa could see the first signs of sunlight through the dense tree, she knew that they were close to Camp Jaha. Close to Clarke. As the walls came into view she pulled her horse to stop and heard the rest of the army do the same, she glanced up at the trees that surrounded the camp Knowing that her archers had already been in position for the last 2 hours. She returned her attention back to the wall ahead and noted all the guards had their guns trained on the mass of people behind her. The Skaikru that had been freed had their weapons pointed right back at them, the doors pulled open and a dark-skinned man walked through them next to Queen Nia who had her own personal guard. And then right at the back was Bellamy, she recognised him.

"Savages, we wish there to be no more bloodshed" Pike called out.

"What my new friend means to say is… that Skaikru have welcomed the ice nation to their home and in return we shall protect them from the mean Heda" If you didn't know before, there was no room for doubt now. Queen Nia was mad.

"People of Skaikru, hear me. I intend you no harm as long as you lay down your weapons and give us the Ice Nation traitors you have hiding within your walls" Lexa called back calmly.

"All you know is pain savage! No sky person will kneel to you!" Pike was right up there with Nia on the crazy.

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded for Kane and Abby to address their people.

"What the commander says is true, we can end this now no one needs to be harmed just surrender and we can finally have peace…we will become the 13th clan in the coalition. We can finally…" Kane was interrupted by the screams of struggle coming for the ark.

They all watched as two guards dragged Clarke towards the open doors of the camp were Pike, Nia, Bellamy stood. Abby let out a haunted cry as she saw the state of her only child, Clarke's top half was only covered by dark mud covered bindings. Her legs in ragged shorts that had most likely once been trousers, her wrists held by old rusted shackles a chain joining them together. Her feet were similar minus the chain, her neck housed another large shackle with a lead like chain attached.

She was thrown at the feet of pike who was quick to grab the metal lead in his hands in case she was to try and make a dash for it. She was filthy, a cut fresh on her forehead but other than that she seemed unharmed. Apart from the 100's of scars that covered her body, they were out now. Nowhere to hide.

Lexa curled her hand hands into fists every atom in her body screamed at her to charge forward and kill all of them until she had removed the sight of Clarkes frail body from her mind.

"Last. Chance" Lexa warned through painfully gritted teeth, she wanted them to refuse so she could kill them all.

"Heda… have you met Wanheda?" Nia asked sweetly.

"She's quite beautiful isn't she, she is covered in my mark. The power of Wanheda is mine…Leska" Nia took the chain from pike and threw it on the ground. She then looked back at Lexa and smirked "Shall I show you?" Clarke hadn't moved when the chain fell to the ground by her, she simply sat and stared at it.

"Nia..." Lexa could taste blood in her mouth from how tense her jaw was, why wasn't Clarke moving? Why hadn't she tried to run?

"Everyone watch and listen, you shall see who the mighty Wanheda belongs too" Nia took a step forward and clicked her fingers, no one could believe what happened next.

Clarke moved swiftly at the commanding sound of Nia's click, she moved to kneel at the side of her master's feet.

"Good girl, now stand" Clarke stood her head dropped low.

"Now tell our guests who you belong too…" Clarkes body shacked slightly, then she turned to face Lexa and her army. She raised her head slowly and what Lexa saw staring back at her was not Clarke, it was someone else. Her eyes had darkened and hazed over, her face showed no emotion at all.

"I belong to Queen Nia…" Kane had to hold Abby back at the words. As the Queen let out a maddening laugh.

"Good, good my pet. Now come to me…" Clarke turned and without closing her eyes or moving her arms tilted her head up for the taller woman. Nia making eye contact with lexa roughly kissed the blonde sky girl in front of her.

"ENOUGH!" Lexa shouted her mask slipping at the sight of Nia touching Clarke like that. "LET US END THIS NIA, I CHALLENGE YOU!" Indra stepped forward to protest but lexa simply raised a hand to stop her. Nia kept her hands in Clarke's hair tilting her head back so that those vacant eyes stared up.

"Hmm very well if my champion wins then you shall surrender and vacate the throne" Lexa nodded her acceptance of the terms.

"And if I win you will surrender and pay for your crimes" Nia nodded in return.

"Very well, my champion shall be my daughter…Niylah Kom Azgeda!" Lexa looked up to the wall to see Niylah being escorted down by two ice nation warriors.

"Heda allow me to…" Indra started.

"I am Heda, no one fights for me" Lexa called back fiercely.

* * *

Niylah and Lexa stood armed in the small clearing as warriors on both sides cheered on the fight. Niylah was the first to attack, Lexa easily dodged the attack and countered with a skin cutting swipe of her sword to her mid-section. They fought for a few minutes, Niylah was no match for Lexa and they both knew it as lexa floored the ice nation champion and held a spear to her neck.

"Do it. Protect Clarke" Lexa nodded and let her eyes flick to Clarke, she was knelt at Nia's feet her head low.

"Jus drein jus daun" Lexa called as she raised the spear high and released it through the air, not at Niylah but directly into the heart of the ice nation Queen.

Nia was thrown back from the force of the spear till she hit the wall behind her, she brought two hands up to hold the wood that extended out of her chest, a small trail of blood falling from her lips. The crowd had grown silent at the scene in front of them.

"Clarke…" Nia called and Clarke came to her side at once.

Nia reached a hand out to touch the girls face "Kill…Heda" and then she was gone, Clarke took hold of the spear and yanked it free from the dead woman's chest, she turned and ran for Lexa.

Lexa dodged her attack and disarmed the brainwashed girl "Clarke stop" lexa pleaded. Clarke let go of the weapon and threw her body at the taller woman causing them both to fall to the ground, Clarke on top wrapped her hands around Lexa's neck and squeezed.

"I'm sorry…I should have never let her turn you into this" Lexa breathed out and finally Clarkes eyes started to regain their focus.

Clarke looked down at the woman below her, this was Lexa, she was hurting Lexa. She moved herself quickly off the grounder and span around franticly. Everyone was there staring at her in pity? Fear? Disgust… She looked over to the dead woman on the floor. Then down at her chained body, she ripped at the shackles trying to free them desperately. Until two strong hands came to cover her own "Shh Clarke, be still I shall remove them" slowly and careful not to harm the girl further Lexa freed her from her restraints.

Niylah watched the scene, she watched as the commander touched Clarkes body and Clarke let her. Next Lexa removed her coat and wrapped it around the smaller girl, Clarke breathed in the scent of Lexa and allowed her body to rest against her. She felt…safe.

* * *

 **SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thoughts feelings? whos happy nia is dead!?**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring x**


	8. Chapter 8

**hello cmapers! I am totally feeling the love from you guys right now and it feels amazing! so ding dong the bitch is gone so its time for Clarke to start her healing... but there may be some bumps in the road.**

 **disclaiming I own nothing as per usual...**

 **please review guys love seeing hearing from you guys who review everytime! you know who you are!**

 **now on with the show**

 **Chapter 8**

As Clarke slowly opened her eyes the first thing that came into sight was dark canvas moving gently in the wind, she scrunched her eyes in confusion. Next she saw large wooden polls holding up said canvas, a tent. She must be in a tent. Her body was stiff, she moved her hands slowly through the furs that covered her body. Her head still throbbed slightly, turning her head to try and ease the discomfort she caught the strong scent of forest, warmth and rain. The smell of rain that had just fallen… this was Lexa's smell. She would know it anywhere, without thinking she nuzzled her nose in deeper to the pillow below her and the pain in her head eased. She shut her eyes again as voices reached her ears.

"She's my daughter commander, she needs to be with her people let me take her back to camp" Her mother.

"Abby, you tried this once already. As soon as we got near the gates she became… wild with panic. She needs to rest; she is safe in my tent" Clarke was surprised to hear lexa use her mother's first name, how long had she been out? She had no memory of them trying to move her.

"Heda is right, Clarke is… healing. We must give her time and space to do that, form all of us" Niylah, Clarke felt uneasy with the idea of all 3 of them conversing without her there to damage control.

"I am her mother! I need to… I don't know… help her!" Abby's voice broke on the last words.

"Sha Abby, go sit with her. I shall ensure that no one enters this tent." Clarke could feel sleep calling to her again as she became aware of somebody entering the tent and sitting beside the bed.

* * *

"Heda, can we speak?" Once Abby had left them Niylah took the opportunity to have the commander's attention. Lexa stared at her for a moment then back at her tent where Clarke was sleeping inside, part of wanted to refuse determined to stay guarding her until she was well enough. She took a deep breath and nodded slightly before leading the other grounder to a supply tent, not before ordering Indra to guard the sleeping sky girl with her life. Once inside Lexa stood tall at the far side and motioned for Niylah to speak freely.

"Heda, firstly… thank you for stopping my mother. I can ensure you that my brother will be a fair leader" Lexa nodded again, Niylah took a deep breath before continuing.

"When I met Clarke she was broken, her body was… well you saw the scars" Lexa tightened her jaw as the image of Nia's 'mark' came flashing back into her mind.

"But she was never weak, she fought even when her own reflection scared her she was strong. I had orders from my brother to bring her to you, but I couldn't risk her making the journey or worse being captured again. So, I healed her, taught her, cared for her… you are right… I love her." Lexa just watched as Niylah stood taller in her confession.

"I see the way you look at her, care for her. You may not want to admit it but… you love her too, even if you do see that as weakness. But… I won't give her to you, I won't stop loving her." Niylah took a step closer to Lexa.

"You bring nothing but pain to her life, she will see this. See you for who your really are, she will see that you will always be the person who leaves her alone at that mountain" Lexa couldn't help but let some of the pain she felt show on her face, but she was quick to bring her mask back up.

"Get out." Niylah took a step back at the order but did not leave.

"I shall not kill you for that would hurt Clarke, but do not mistake my mercy as a sign of weakness Niylah Kom Azgeda. I am Heda, I bow for no one, I take orders from no one. I am the law and I shall cut you down if you so much as think about insulting me again." Lexa stepped forward and Niylah instinctively retreated.

"I will never hurt her… not again, I swear this to you" Niylah couldn't hide the shock that over took her features.

"And I will not give her to you" they stared at each other for a long moment before Niylah turned and left the tent, Lexa took a deep breath and realised her fists that she hadn't even know she had curled. She had dug her nails deep into her palms and small cuts showed her black blood, a constant reminder of who she was. How she must always put her people above herself, that she would die for her people. That she was meant to sacrifice her feelings for duty, that she should put her people before Clarke… and that was something she no longer thought she could do. Not again. She would have to lock her feelings for the blonde woman away, it would kill her to do it. To see her with Niylah but if that would keep Clarke safe from her then that's what she will do.

"I will protect you Clarke, even if that is from me" Lexa left the tent to look up at the stars, they use to give her peace but now all she saw when she looked up at them was Clarke. Where Clarke had come from.

* * *

"Abby" Lexa gently rocked the older woman awake, Abby jumped up immediately and looked at Clarkes sleeping body.

"She's fine, come you need to rest. I have had a tent made up for you next to mine, go rest I shall watch over her" Abby shock her head and continued to stare at her only child.

"No, no I need to be here in case…" Lexa laid a hand on the shorter woman's shoulder, Abby turned to look at her. She had never seen this side of the commander, so gentle.

"I will get you if she wakes, you do her no good if you are too exhausted to help when she does" Abby sighed in defeat and nodded.

"Thank you, Commander. I shall try and sleep for a few hours… when this is all over we need to talk" Lexa walked her to the exit and nodded in agreement.

Once Abby had left Lexa came to take the seat that the older woman had vacated, she dropped her eyes to look at the sleeping woman's hand. She raised her own to hold it but stopped just before she could make contact, no. she would not touch her without her permission, she had seen people who had been victim to such tortures before. Seen the pain in them when they were touched, she would not be the cause of that pain for Clarke.

"Whenever _someone touches me it hurts... or worse when you touch me, when you kiss me it…it doesn't"_

That's right Clarke had said that when Lexa touched her she didn't feel any pain, but she would still wait until Clarke gave her permission no matter how much it hurt to not touch her.

She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that Clarke had been watching her, she only realised the other woman was awake when that same hand reached up to capture hers.

"Clarke…" Lexa looked down into those deep blue pools.

"Thank you, for sending my mum out" Lexa nodded gently.

"How are you feeling…"

"Shh, can we not talk about that" Lexa hardly even noticed that she had been cut off, it wasn't Heda in the tent right now it was Lexa.

"Can you make it stop?" Lexa noticed the dazed look in Clarkes eyes, she was still healing. Still recovering.

"What Clarke, tell me what you need" Lexa stood over her not letting go of the hand safely wrapped in her's.

"Make her stop talking in my head, make her go away again like you did before…" Clarke brought her other hand up to hold the back of Lexa's neck. "Kiss me…" Clarke pull her down their lips a breath apart.

"Clarke, I shouldn't…you need to rest"

"No, I need you Lexa…" Clarke used what little strength she had to surge up and push her lips against the commanders, she moaned instantly at the contact.

Lexa knew she should stop this, she should leave. She had made a promise with herself that she would no longer act upon these feelings, but the taste of Clarke was maddening. She wanted more, to savour the taste, the feeling of her soft lips gliding against hers. Just once more and then she would stop, she would let this be their goodbye kiss. And so, Lexa pushed forward so that Clarke was laying back against the pillow once more, she lightly traced Clarkes bottom lip with her tongue and was at once granted access.

Clarke moaned as their tongues met franticly, Nia's voice was silenced as Clarkes whole body soaked in the grounder kissing her. More, she needed more. She grabbed a handful of the brown hair and pulled her closer, causing Lexa to roll on top of her slightly. Both moaned at the contact, this was bad Clarke still needed more, wanted more of her she moved one hand to grab the commanders taught waist. She could feel her tight abs under her clothing, she had never felt arousal like this. She was on fire.

"Clarke… we… must…stop" Lexa let out between heated kisses, Clarke had managed to slip one of her legs between Lexa's and as the taller woman had tried to pull back Clarke had gone to follow and accidently pushed her thigh against Lexa's leather clad core. They both froze as Lexa let out a whimper of pressure, Lexa's eyes snapped open again and she securely put one arm each side of Clarke's head to stop herself from lowering again. It took all her strength to not start rocking against the toned thigh between her legs, their eyes were locked neither moving.

"Move…" Clarke ordered, but still neither of them moved. Their eyes still tightly locked on each other's.

"Move against me now" It was an order.

"Clarke…" And then Lexa saw it, the same look that Clarke had when Nia had commanded her obey.

As if slapped Clarke came out of her trance and looked up at Lexa, confusion, fear, worry, excitement, arousal…shame? All present in one look.

"Lexa I…oh god what… I'm sorry!" Lexa shock her head softly no and reached to caress Clarkes face.

"No, don't apologies. I should have been in control more" Lexa moved away from the laying woman and sat in the chair near the bed, she took one of Clarkes hands in her own.

"What happed to me?" Lexa looked back at her confused, now? With Nia? What did Clarke mean.

"I wanted to… I wanted to make you obey me… just like… just like her". Lexa nodded in understanding.

"That's normal Clarke, she hurt you and sometimes we feel the need to take the power that was taken from us back" Clarke watched her as she spoke worry covering her face.

"NO! I don't want to hurt you" Clarke called out as she sat up ignoring the pain that it caused.

"I know, I know that Clarke. It wasn't about hurting me, now lay down please." Clarke fell back against her pillow and looked up at the roof of the tent.

"Take my power back…" Clarke reached up to trace her lips with her finger tips, Lexa watched them her own mouth falling open slightly as she wished those fingers where on her mouth.

"I should get your mother, she's worried" Lexa stood and turned to leave needing the space.

"Wait, please don't go" Clarke pleaded. Lexa looked at her for a moment trying to decide if this was a good idea, she sat back in the chair and allowed her fingers to intertwine with the resting woman's.

"Very well, rest though" Clarke nodded squeezed their joined hands and let her eyes close. Minuets passed and slowly Clarkes hand became limp again, Lexa watched her chest rise and fall softly taking comfort in the small motions.

"Lexa…" Clarke called sleepily.

"Sha Klark" hearing the words brought a small smile to the blonde's lips.

"I like kissing you" Lexa blushed red, and looked away from the other woman. When she looked back she could tell that Clarke had fallen to sleep.

"I like kissing you too Klark" How was she going to lock up her feelings for her?

* * *

Days passed and Lexa had hardly come to visit her again and when she did she was never alone, her mother and Niylah on the other hand wouldn't leave her alone! And if either of them wasn't with her then, Octavia and Raven sure as hell were.

They had told her that Bellamy had been arrested and would be trialled by Skaikru for his actions, Pike had tried to attack Lexa as she carried Clarke away from camp Jaha and been stopped by 100 arrows from the archers in the trees. Which resulted in the rest of Pikes followers surrender, Lexa had been meeting with Members of Skaikru to ensure that they knew what was expected of them as members of the coalition. Clarke was scared to say it but for now there was peace, for now her people were safe.

Clarke had decided to sit in on the meeting that was currently happening, Lexa, Kane, her mother, Indra, now King Roan were all sat around the war table in Ton DC discussing terms of trading.

"So, with that I believe that all terms have been agreed" Lexa spoke, Clarke loved watching her as she commanded over the room. Clarke couldn't stop thinking about the last time they had been alone together; the way Lexa had moaned against her mouth.

"Heda, I would like to appoint my sister Princess Niylah as the new Ambassador for the Ice Nation in Polis" Lexa looked at King Roan and then Niylah who was sat behind him.

"Sha, if that is your wish" Roan bowed slightly in thanks. Clarke watched as Lexa met her eye for a second before addressing Kane.

"Marcus, I would like to recommend that Klark become your ambassador for Skaikru in Polis" Kane looked taken aback at first then turned to look at a furious Abby.

"Errmmm Heda perhaps this is something that..." Kane began before he was interrupted by Clarke standing and responding for him.

"Yes, I shall go" Clarke didn't look at Kane who was trying to keep Abby in her seat, instead she looked determinedly at Lexa.

"Good, then you are all dismissed" Lexa was the first to flee the room, before Clarke or her mother could corner her.

Kane was still trying to calm a very angry Abby in one side of the room as Roan came to stand with Clarke.

"It would appear that you have some packing to do Wanheda, you know I never knew what my sister saw in you. But now I think I see it." Clarke looked up at him and then she looked towards Niylah who was also trying to calm her mother, whatever she was saying was obviously working.

"Cover for me?" She asked the new King, he smirked at her then nodded. She had to speak with Lexa, alone for once.

* * *

Clarke had failed to find Lexa and was close to giving up, it had been hours since the meeting. That was till she heard her mother's raised voice coming from the forest behind her, she slipped between the trees careful not to be seen. Then she found them, her mother and Lexa. Abby was pacing back and forth in obvious anger while Lexa just stood her hands behind her back watching the older woman.

"What part of leave my daughter alone did you not understand?!"

"Abby, I promised you that I shall not put Clarke in danger and I intend to keep that promise. Polis is the safest place for her, she can heal there" Lexa coolie replied.

"She can heal here, with me her mother. I'm a doctor for Christ sake!"

"The healing Clarke needs is not that of which a doctor can give her, it is her mind that needs to heal Abby"

"I see the way you two look at each other, she loves you com…Lexa" This was the first time that Abby had used her name and she knew that she should punish her for it, but she couldn't help but allow her this luxury the same way she does for Clarke.

Clarke's heart was racing franticly, did her mother really just tell Lexa that Clarke was in love with her!? Was she in love with her? Clarke brought one hand over her heart and it raced even faster at the thought.

"Clarke and I…we will never be, I cannot belong to another, I must belong to my people. If this is what worries you Abby Kom Skaikru then be at peace, I cannot give Clarke my heart" The words felt more painful than any of the tortures Nia had done to her, Lexa didn't want her. Wouldn't love her, Nia had been right.

Clarke didn't register any of the rest of their conversation, she heard her mother leave and somehow managed to pull herself to her feet. Tears burnt her eyes and streaked down her face, she ran. She didn't know where, it didn't matter she just couldn't be here.

Once Abby was gone from sight Lexa looked over to the tree line that Clarke had been hiding behind, she had heard her approach. It pained her to say those words knowing that Clarke could hear them, but Clarke had to hear them. She was protecting her, right?

A breeze blew through her hair and cooled her face it was only then that she was aware of a single tear that had escaped her eye, she brushed it away angrily and stormed towards camp.

Tomorrow they leave for Polis.

* * *

 **sooo thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **may not just be Clarke who needs to do some healing...**

 **please review it makes me write faster**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **all yours**

 **shizmaring x**


	9. Chapter 9

**hello campers! hope you are all well so happy to hear that so many of you are loving this story, this chapter is a bit longer than the rest I just couldn't stop writing hahaha.**

 **i've been playing with the idea of a part 2 to this story... thoughts would you like a sequel? let me know! we have 4 more chapters to go on this one! maybe 5...**

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS - this chapter has a self harm scene, please be mindful and if you feel upset than im more than happy to help just pm me! also pm me if you have any ideas for this or the sequel :)**

 **enjoy the waterfall scene hehehe**

 **disclaimer I own nothing!**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

Clarke couldn't believe the sight in front of her, how had thing gotten this messed up? Lexa stood tall one hand tightly curled around Niylah's neck the other holding on to the other woman's hand as she tried to push a Knife deep into Lexa's chest.

The best place to start would be 2 weeks ago, as they left Ton Dc to head for polis.

 **2 weeks earlier**

The morning air cooled Clarkes skin her breath misting in front of her, she walked towards the group that had begun to form. They were leaving for polis at first light, she had been avoiding her mother most of the night. She couldn't face her. The conversation she had heard between Lexa and Abby was burnt into her mind, her mother telling Lexa to stay away and worse Lexa rejecting Clarke.

She reached out to stroke the horse that had already been saddled with her belongings, she had missed riding but felt little excitement for the journey ahead. It would take them two days to reach polis, two days stuck with Lexa.

As if she could hear Clarkes thoughts the commander appeared in the group to instruct her men of the formation the would hold throughout the journey, Clarke listened in but was careful not to look at the tall commanding grounder. She didn't want to feel how her heart raced when she looked at her, but it would seem that hearing her voice was enough to make it skip a beat.

Clarke gritted her teeth in frustration, was it too late to change her mind? She could go back to the woods, live off the land. Alone.

Niylah came to stand next to her but said nothing, she then turned her attention to Clarke's horse. Ensuring that the saddle was tightly strapped and that her belongings were secure.

"Niylah, stop fussing" Clarke smirked at the taller woman. Niylah turned to look at her as she checked the last buckle, her brows came into a small frown.

"What troubles you little sun?" Grounders can be so untactful sometimes.

"Nothing, are you ready to leave?" Niylah gave her a sceptical look but nodded yes and left it, Clarke felt more and more closed off to her as the days went on. Niylah looked over at the Commander who was saying her good byes to some Ton DC warriors, Clarke had changed since she arrived.

"Sister, I hope your travels are safe. I'll make for Azgeda today, there is much that will need to be done…as your brother I need to say this, be careful. Heda will not tolerate you over stepping again" Niylah looked at him surprised, had the commander told him of their conversation?

"No, she didn't tell me anything. I have eyes sister, anyone can see that you and Heda are…shall we say having disagreements over Wanheda" She looked away from him embarrassed, was it really that obvious?

"Just…be safe, may we meet again sister" Roan held out his arm and the siblings grasped each other's forearms.

"You too brother, may we meet again" Niylah watched him leave to give his respects to their Heda, he was right she needed to be more careful.

* * *

They had been riding for hours and making good time, Lexa looked up towards the sky. It had to be little after noon, the horses would need to feed and drink soon. She motioned behind her and within an instant Indra was by her side.

"Sha, Heda?" Indra respectfully called.

"We shall break at the river so that the horses can rest, send scouts to clear the area first" Lexa ordered softly.

"Sha, Heda" Indra pulled her horse off into the direction of the Convoy that followed closely behind the commander.

A few moments later 4 men rode ahead to scout the surrounding areas, Lexa looked over to Clarke to see her fidget slightly in her saddle. They made eye contact and Lexa smirked gently at the obvious sign of discomfort of the other girl, it must have been a long time since Clarke had rode. Clarke snapped her eyes away and Lexa frowned remembering her conversation with the blonde's mother. This was for the best, she hoped the more she told herself that the more she would believe it.

30 minutes later they had tied their horse to the nearby trees with water and food, Clarke sat on the verge looking out towards the water as Niylah came to rest beside her.

"Eat" Niylah held out some bread and dried meat wrapped in cloth, she took it and went back to her staring. They ate in heavy silence, Clarke couldn't stop thinking about Lexa and Niylah couldn't stop thinking and how much distances had grown between her and the shorter girl in such a short amount of time.

Clarke turned to search for Lexa in the crowd of grounders that huddled around the horses, no sign of her. Clarkes searching turned frantic as she saw Indra was in the crowd which meant were ever Lexa was she was alone. Clarke stood and started walking towards the general, Niylahs questioning from the ground barely registering.

"Indra, where is Le...Heda?" Indra turned to the sky girl and struggled to hide her amusement at the slip up. she nodded her head towards some rocks on the far side of the water, Clarke let out a slight huff at being caught before making towards the rocks.

As she rounded the corner of the largest rock her breath got caught in her throat at the sight in front of her, Lexa stood under a small waterfall. Her coat lay forgotten across a rock, her tight grey 3 quarter t shit soaked through. It clung to her body perfectly, her hands rested against either side of her head as the water beat against her hair. Her eyes were closed softly and Clarke knew that this was by far the most beautiful sight that she had ever seen, she simply stood and stared as her body hummed with pleasure at the beauty in front of her.

Clarke hadn't even noticed that she had been moving as Lexa turned her face slightly and opened her eyes to catch Clarkes, she stayed still though and simply watched as the blonde stalked closer.

"Clarke…" Lexa called as Clarke slowly removed her jacket and threw it to the side, she wadded in to the ankle high water and came to stand in front of the commanders back.

"Shhh…" Lexa turned so that they were facing eachother, she looked at the sky girl once more before truning to leave. It hurt her but she had to be strong for both of them, she hadn't even managed to take one step as Clarke used her own body to push the taller girl in the water once more and against the rock behind it. Lexa let out her breath as her back made contact with the hard surface, she raised her hands to push Clarke away but her wrist were captured quickly and held above her head. She starred at Clarke, this was just like that time Clarke had made her walk back against her table in the tent. But now there was no anger from the blonde only...lust.

Clarke surged forward and caught Lexa's lips with her own in a heated kiss, her tounge slipping between surprised lips. Clarke moaned loudly into the other girl's mouth, and Lexa Knew she couldn't fight the other girl. She pulled on the hands holding her wrists but they held strong, she needed to feel her.

"No... I'm in charge here Heda" Clarke spoke as she tore her lips from the brunettes and started to kiss down Lexa's neck, taking a piece of smooth skin in her mouth and bitting it. Lexa let out a deep whimper as pleasure and pain coursed through her body.

"Mmmm...Mine" Clarke murmured against the Redding skin, she used Lexa's distraction to free one of her hands. Now holding both of the taller girl's wrist with one hand she brought the other to the bottom of the soaked shirt ripping it up to feel the smooth wet skin below it, Lexa's eyes snapped open in shock as she looked down at the hand that was almost painfully gripping her waist. She then looked at Clarke again and saw the pain in her eyes.

"Clarke" Lexa was careful not to try and fight against the hold the blonde had on her whilst also trying to calm her own body down from the pleasure that was still racking her tight body.

"So, smooth…" Clarke let her fingers gently graze against Lexa's firm abs, they tensed as she stroked them. Clarke looked up again at the brunette and she saw the patience, the softness, the understanding and the lust in those forest green eyes.

"Part of me wants to hurt you Lexa… show you what she did to me, I can still feel her in me" Clarkes hands weakened and released the commander's wrists, Lexa slowly lowered her hands to Clarkes hand that was still inside her shirt. She grasped it gently and raised it to her breast, Clarke squeezed on instinct and Lexa let out a soft moan at the pressure.

"Clarke, you won't hurt me, feel me. That is your hand touching me Clarke, not hers" Clarke couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyes as her hand dropped from Lexa's breast and her head came to rest on the commander's shoulder.

They stayed like that for some time, the water washing away the tears and the rest of the world. After some time, Lexa pushed Clarke back and taking her hand led them out of the water, it was a warm day and they would dry. Neither spoke as they leant against the rocks allowing the sun to warm them, their hands stayed connected the whole time. Once Lexa was dry enough she let go and moved to put her coat back on, Clarke followed suit and the two made their way back to the group.

Niylah looked between the commander and Clarke as they re-joined the group, she noticed the slightly damp hair they both wore but chose not to mention it. Within minutes they were back on their horses and on their way to Polis once again.

* * *

The rest of the journey went by with very little issues, they stopped at night fall to sleep and were back on the horses by sunrise. Clarke and Lexa didn't talk for the rest of the journey, partly due to Niylah never leaving Clarkes side and because what would they even say to each other?

It was Late afternoon on the second day that Clarke first saw the tower of Polis, she had never seen anything like it. Lexa smiled proudly as she saw the wonder on the blonde sky girls face, but the smile was quickly replaced by her commander mask as she noticed Niylah watching her closely.

2 hours later and Clarke was stood on a balcony looking down at the whole of Polis, it was amazing. Lexa was right when she had told Clarke that she would like the city, she was already in love with it. Niylah came to stand next to her as they both watched the sun set over the hills surrounding the city walls.

"Heda expects us to meet with the rest of the ambassadors tonight for a feast to welcome Skaikru to the coalition, my room is just next door to yours. I'm going to go a wash before we meet them, will you be ok by yourself?" Clarke saw the worry in Niylahs eyes, and raised one had to caress her cheek.

"I'll be fine protector" She smirked as the taller grounder blushed at the nickname, but the taller girl leaned into the touch all the same. Clarke stroked her cheek with her thumb, she loved the Princess but did she feel anything more than friendship for her? Yes, there was attraction but that's not the same as what she felt for Lexa, it felt like every atom craved to be with Lexa.

She sighed and dropped her hand from the grounders face "I don't deserve your love Niylah".

"No Clarke you deserve so much more, you have all of me little sun. I give my heart freely to you, I am yours" Clarke stared at her tears struggling to free themselves at the confession. Only 1 day before she had called Lexa mine, she was being selfish keep Niylah too.

"I will hear no more on the matter. Wash, I'll come for you shortly" Niylah didn't wait for a response but instead turned and left Clarke alone.

* * *

The past week had flown by in a blur of routines, in the morning she would meet with the rest of the ambassadors and a man called Titus, who as far as Clarke could tell had taken a very strong disliking to the her.

Then she would eat with Niylah and explore the city, she loved the market place the most. She was greeted with respect by the grounders, she assumed that was due mostly to her title as Wanheda. In the evenings, she would sit in the library that held books from before the grounders time and their most recently history, this had to be her favourite place in the tower, it was dark and more often than not empty. the room itself was a whole floor in the tower.

she was sat in one of the stacks at the far end or the library with 2 piles of grounder history around her, the one that currently lay open in her lap was the story of Leska Kom Tikru. She had found it roughly an hour ago, in the Heda's history section, it felt strange reading someone else's words as they explained Lexa's childhood. She was so engrossed in the story that she hadn't even noticed that someone had been watching her for the last 5 minutes.

"You know if you want to hear about my childhood you could just ask" Clarkes eyes snapped up from the pages to see Lexa leaning against the shelves of books, an amused smile on her face.

"You are not the easiest person to see Heda" Clarke had tried every day for the last week to see the taller woman and every time was met with the same answer, she busy.

"Ah yes well that's true, my apologies ambassador I have been tied up since we arrived, I trust that Polis has been welcoming" Clarke closed the book and leant back, surprised by how comfortable the air around them felt.

"It's everything you said it would be and more…. Lexa" Clarke closed her eyes for a moment as she relaxed, she missed Lexa biting her bottom lip hearing the girl say her name.

"Good I'm glad" Clarke nodded and closed her eyes again, neither of them spoke for a moment. Lexa watched the sitting girl, enjoying being able to just trace the outlines of her face with her eyes.

"I can't stop thinking about that waterfall" Lexa's heart raced at the mention of their last kiss, she had fell asleep every night for the past week with that memory playing in her mind. she took a step forward towards the blond before Clarke spoke her eyes still closed.

"Stay there, I can feel your hands on me Lexa" Clarke brushed her fingers across her bare neck, Lexa followed the order and simply watched the other woman day dream.

"I can taste your lips" those fingers traced Clarkes lips next, then followed by her tongue.

"Clarke…" it was a warning, it was taking all of Lexa's self-control not to surge forward and claim those lips. Clarke opened her eyes and caught Lexa's immediately, they stared at each other for a long time before they silent conversation was broken by someone calling Clarkes name.

Niylah had come to get Clarke again, the grounder knew that if she didn't Clarke would most likely stay here all night.

Clarke stood and shook of the tension from her body, Lexa didn't move but simply watched Clarke collect herself before calling to her 'protector'. Clarke was making her way to the end of the stacks when her hand as caught by the commanders, she turned to look at the hand holding hers.

"Take this, if you have any questions regarding it… I would be more than happy to answer them sometime" Lexa held out the book Clarke had just been reading.

"Thank you, good night Heda." Lexa smiled back at her not the commander.

"Good night ambassador" Then Clarke was gone, Lexa stayed where she stood until she heard the library doors close behind the two women.

"I'm not very good at staying away from you Clarke" Lexa shock her head and made to leave the room ready for some much-needed rest.

* * *

Clarke awoke the next morning from the knocking at her door, she stretched her stiff neck. She must have fallen asleep in the armchair in her room again, this was becoming a habit. The bed was just too soft, and last night she had been so engrossed in the book about Lexa's past that she hadn't even tried to get into bed. She looked down at said book which lay on the floor before the knocking came again, groaning Clarke rose up and walked to the door opening it slowly.

"Finally, little sun I was about to break the door down" Niylah smiled at the sleepy faced beauty in front of her. Clarke motioned her in before shutting the door again and walking to the bathroom to freshen up.

"So why are you here so early?" Clarke called from the other room. Niyah let out a little laugh.

"Little sun, it's not early in fact its late" Clarke came around the corner, her face still dripping from the water she had just used to clean it.

"How late?" Niylah couldn't help but follow a drop of water as it made its way down Clarkes smooth neck past her collar bone and down to her…

"Niylah?" Snapping out of it she blushed and answered the other woman.

"4 hours past run rise" Clarke groaned and wet back to washing her face, today she was meant to be given a tour of the training grounds by Indra. Not a grounder to be kept waiting.

"Ok let me change and meet you down stairs in 10?" Niylah made no move to get up from the chair she currently occupied.

"Oh, don't mind me little sun I can wait" Clarke grabbed a pillow from her bed and threw it at the sitting grounder, Niylah caught it laughing.

"Out now, perv" Clarke started taking out fresh clothes as she waited for the other woman to leave, she hears Niylah open one of the doors before calling.

"What does perv mean?" Clarke smirked and turned to glare at the retreating woman.

"Never mind" Niylah closed the door and made her way down stairs to breath in the late morning air.

10 minutes later they were on their way towards the training grounds, they could hear the colliding of wood and metal before they caught sight of the men, women and surprisingly children fighting. Some were very young and Clarke couldn't help the sinking feeling in her gut as she saw them fight, she heard a hash bang as two training staffs came together before a small war cry filled the air. Her eyes followed the sound until she saw Lexa and a boy no older than 13 locked in standoff, Lexa holding her staff across her body as the boy pushed his down on hers with all his might.

The look in Lexa's eyes was pride and a little surprise, she pushed off and they disengaged the boy bowing low to his Heda.

"Good, Aiden. Very good, go train with the rest of the Natblida's" The boy nodded and went to join the rest of the children training, Lexa turned to Titus giving him a knowing smile.

"He's better than me at his age" Titus returned the friendly smile Lexa would always be more than just the commander to him but when the time came he was confident that Aiden would lead with Lexa's and his teachings.

"He will be a great legacy for you Heda…Wanheda and the ice nation ambassador have finally arrived" Lexa followed Titus's stare and her eyes were caught by blue ones staring back at her. Nodding to the flame keeper she left him and went to join the visitors.

"Welcome ambassadors, Indra has been held up and so I shall show you around. Come there is much to see" the next hour Lexa explained different areas of the training grounds and how warriors from all clans came here to train. Niylah had been pulled into conversation by fellow ice nation warriors and so Clarke took the chance to ask Lexa about the children that were training, she tried and most likely failed to keep the judging tone out of her voice.

"They are Natblida's Clarke not just children, they have the blood of the commander in their veins. Like me. One of them shall take my place after my death, come let me introduce you to them" As they approached the 10 or so children who Titus was instructing how to block a head attack they all stopped and bowed low.

"Heda, Wanheda" Clarke had to work very hard not to let her mouth fall open at the respect they showed her, was she ever going to get use to this?

"Natblida's tell Wanheda here what you shall so should you be chosen as the next commander" Lexa stood tall proud, her hands held behind her back as she watched Clarkes reaction.

"We shall protect Skaikru as the 13th Clan of the coalition, Heda" Clarke had to fight the tears that threatened to fall, her people were safe, she was safe and Lexa had even ensured her peoples future. Lexa dismissed them back to their training but not before asking Aiden to stay.

"Clarke this is Aiden, the most promising of all the Natblida's" Aiden stood a little taller at Lexa's words and Clarke could see love she had for the small warrior. It made her heart ache, her mother was right she was falling for the commander.

"Wanheda, perhaps you could teach us all more of your people. Heda has told us of your healing ability's, I believe that your teachings would be very useful for our people's future" Clarke smiled at the boy before kneeling in front of him and with a cloth she had in her pocket wiped some dirt from his cheek, he stood ridged at the affection shock clear in his features.

"Sha Aiden, I shall teach you my peoples way if in return you share your people's knowledge of the ground?" He nodded slightly a big smile lining his face. Lexa cleared her throat as she looked at the pair and Aiden quickly adverted his gaze a blush tinting his cheeks.

"I should get back to my training, Heda. Wanheda" with another quick bow he ran off to join the others.

"It would seem that you have a way with commanders and commanders to be Clarke" Lexa said as she watched Aiden retreat.

"I hope so" Clarke said as she looked up at the grounder from her place on the floor, Lexa kept her mask in place but Clarke still saw her lips part slightly.

* * *

Another week was coming to an end and to say Clarke was frustrated would be an understatement, she had hardly slept for last week and in every moment of silence she would be flooded with Nia's voice or memories of her time with the dead woman. The only time she could drown out the haunting thoughts was when she was with Lexa and those moments were rare, the sun had set hours ago, and Clarke had lost count of how many laps she had paced in her thankfully large room.

It was getting worse, she could feel her control on her emotions slipping away. She was scared of what she was becoming, angry that she couldn't move past this. She harshly removed her jacket and threw it against one of the walls, her pace increasing and her hands came to bury themselves deep in her blond locks. She had gotten into this state before and the only thing that had helped was counting aloud until she calmed but as she tried this time she realised she was count her scars, tracing them as she spoke.

"15…16…17…18" Her hands shook as she continued to count.

"52…53…54...55" Nia's marks. All of them, she had done this to Clarke she had scared her.

"Her marks…" The idea flashed into her mind and franticly she raced for the Knife she kept under her pillow. She lifted her top holding it between her teeth, her breathing ragged as she brought the tip of the blade on top of one of the scars on her abs.

The pain was lighting hot and she let out a small scream as she saw crimson coat her stomach, it wasn't too deep but there was enough blood to cover some of the blade and drip on to the floor. Nia's voice stopped as she looked down at the cut, a sigh of relief escaped her lips before she fell to her knees weeping. The Blade falling from her limp hand to land loudly on the floor by her, she had hardly noticed the rushed footsteps that filled the hall outside her door before Lexa came rushing into the room.

"CLARKE?" Lexa stopped at the door taking in the sight of Clarke on the floor, her top still lifted just below her breasts. A shallow cut across her stomach, knife on the floor.

"I…I just…I just wanted it to stop" Clarke cried softly as she looked up at Lexa in the door way.

Lexa rushed forward and lowered herself to join Clarke on the floor, taking the knife to make sure Clarke couldn't hurt herself again. She gently wiped away the tears the had just fallen from Clarkes face before pulling her tight to her own body, Clarke cried softly into her shoulder.

"I'm Broken…no wonder you don't want me" Clarke let out as she continued to weep loudly into Lexa. The taller woman pulled away slightly and with her free hand cupped Clarkes face.

"No Clarke you're not broken, and I…" Her words fell short as a shout from the door broke her concertation.

Niylah had heard the scream in her sleep, she sat up in bed searching for the threat but there was none. She was alone in her room, she kept still as her trained ears searched for more sounds. There was nothing and then footsteps followed by someone shouting Clarkes name, she jumped free from the bed and ran for her door. Not Clarke, oh god please not Clarke.

She ripped open her door and made for Clarkes still open one, as she reached the door way she stopped to see Clarke on the floor. Blood, tears and Lexa Knife in hand cupping Clarkes face. Had she hurt her? Had she hurt Clarke? She was touching Clarke, and Clarke was crying. Niylah saw red.

"GET OFF HER!" Lexa stared at her for a second before Niylahs body collided with her own and they tumbled to the floor Niylah on top, she punched Lexa forcefully in the face splitting the brunettes bottom lip slightly.

"NIYLAH NO. STOP." Clarke cried out desperately, but the grounder paid no attention bringing another fist down against the commander's face.

"HOW DARE YOU HURT HER?!" Another punch, and then she was suddenly on her back.

Lexa had managed to rid herself of the tall ground that was pinning her to the ground, quickly jumping to her feet as Niylah also came to standing. Lexa charged her and rammed them both against the wall behind Niylah, the ice nation Princess brought her knee up to wind Lexa briefly.

Then Niylah saw it not far from where she had first attacked Lexa, the Knife. She threw her body towards it as Lexa recovered from the last hit, hands on the dagger it was her time to charge the other woman. Lexa dodged her and turned them to push her again to the wall this time Lexa held her by the neck with one had as the other restrained Niylah as she tried to push the knife deep into her chest.

"NO!" Clarke screamed out in panic rushing forward to try and take the Knife, the two-woman looked at her as she got the dagger free from them. Lexa let go of Niylah's neck and hit her firmly in the face, she fell to the ground fully expecting Lexa to finish the Job but she didn't. Instead she looked up to see the commander trying to convince Clarke to give her the knife.

"Please Clarke, I swear I mean her no harm" Niylah was past confused. Clarke handed the Knife over and once again fell to her knees, Niylah stayed on the floor watching as Lexa walked over to a rope on the far wall. She pulled it and moments later 2 very large Polis guards charged into the room.

"Heda?" They called taking in the scene in front of them.

"Take Princess Niylah to see Nyko to have her wounds treated, and neither of you will speak of this again" The warriors bowed before lifting Niylah to her feet.

"Wait, Clarke" Niylah called.

"I shall see to her, she has nothing to fear from me" Niylah and Lexa stared at each other for a moment before Lexa motioned to her warriors to take her away. Once gone Lexa bent down and lifted Clarke into her arms effortlessly and carried her to the bed, the sky girl said nothing as she was placed on the mattress.

Clarke watched as Lexa soundlessly moved around the room collecting water and cloths, she then came back to Clarke and began to wipe away the blood from the cut before wrapping it in fresh bandages. Once happy the wound was sorted she traced her fingers over the patterns of scars that covered most of the exposed skin.

"Does it hurt?" Lexa asked softly not taking her eyes away from the stomach.

"No, not anymore…not when you're here, not when you touch me." Lexa looked up at her to see nothing but truth behind those words. Nodding she lowered the shirt Clarke wore.

"Sleep, in the morning she shall talk. I'm going to help you Clarke, you're not broken." Lexa stood and turned to leave the girl to rest, she had no intention of leaving the room but she also wouldn't risk Clarke feeling uncomfortable by staying on the bed.

"Wait, stay" Lexa looked back at her and smiled softly.

"I'll just be over there on one of the chair's" Lexa squeezed Clarkes hand slightly.

"No, stay here. With me, can you just… can you just hold me?" Lexa knew that she should refuse but how could she. Silently she walked around the bed and laid down next to Clarke, the shorter girl snuggling in close to her. Lexa hadn't been this close to someone since Costia, and that terrified her.

"Mmm you smell good, like the forest…your smell...safe" Clarke whispered as she drifted to sleep for the first time on the bed. Lexa looked down at the sleeping woman, and sighed contently. She buried her nose into blond hair enjoying Clarkes scent.

"Fine, I shall help you Clarke. But after…when I have to let you go…you will hate me more" Lexa closed her eyes as she felt sleep call to her, tomorrow would bring healing but for tonight she would just be with Clarke.

* * *

 **sooooooo thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **Niylah and Clarke are over due a convo me thinks.**

 **and will lexa really being able to walk away from Clarke after helping fight her demons?**

 **please review**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **yours**

 **shizmaring xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The first thing Clarke became aware of as she awoke was two arms protectively holding her, normally she would have fought the embrace but somehow even in this sleepy state she could tell that she was safe. That's when last night came rushing back to her, she lifted her head from where it had been nestled. To look at the sleeping commander no not the commander, Lexa. She looked so peaceful, so much younger than Clarke had ever seen her. The bedroom door opened slightly and Titus peered around the frame, frowning at the sight in front of him.

Clarke moved gently to block Lexa from his view, for some reason she felt the need to protect the sleeping grounder in her venerable state.

Titus motioned for the blonde to following him, Clarke took one last look at the sleeping woman before moving to follow. Her stomach ached slightly from the wound across her stomach, Titus waited in the hall until she had softly closed the door behind her.

"Follow me Wanheda" he didn't wait for her answer and instead began to walk towards lifts, they entered together and stood in silence.

They stopped 4 floors down and once again Clarke followed behind the tall man, guards bowing slightly as they passed them. They came to a door that Clarke hadn't seen before and once opened she was met with strong smells of herbs, entering the room she found Niylah sat on a chair her hands in her hair. She was obviously in a state of distress and before last night Clarke would have rushed to comfort the older woman, but after last night she could only stare at her.

"Thank you, Titus, I shall see to her from here" Titus nodded looking at the distressed ice nation ambassador once more before looking at Clarke again.

"Ensure you do Wanheda, she should be tied to the cutting tree for her actions" Clarke gave the man a dark stare almost daring him to take action on her friend. This was only adding to the disliking they had for each other, he turned leaving the pair and as soon as his back was to her Clarke shut the door to the healing room.

Niylah sat staring at Clarke, her eyes swollen with tiredness.

"Are you hurt?" Niylah shook her head no.

"Good, then you will listen to me very carefully. Last night you attacked the commander of the 13 clans" Niylah shot to her feet fists curled tightly.

"I don't care who she is! I… I thought she had…she was hurting you Clarke!" Clarke took a step back at the reaction from the older woman, no she had to be strong if she wasn't, if she couldn't get Niylah to stop. Then Lexa would be forced to take action. Clarke stood straighter and mustered all the authority in her voice she could.

"SIT DOWN!" Niylah fell back into her seat at the order, more than just a little shocked.

"You will listen to me damn it! If you don't stop this you will force her hand, don't you see that? You will leave her no choice. Please Niylah, I need you. I would be dead if not for you but… but if you can't control yourself then…then perhaps you should go back to Azgeda" Clarke held her ground, of course she didn't want to Niylah to leave but she would make her if it would save her.

"She was hurting you…" Niylah looked down at the floor. Clarke let go of some of the anger she had as she looked at the distraught woman, she closed the space between them and knelt between the grounder's legs.

"Look at me" Niylah raised her eyes to meet Clarke, not just tired she had been crying.

"No, she wasn't. I was… I was hurting me, the knife…I hurt myself and Lexa stopped me, I've been hurting you too haven't I?" Niylah reached out to touch Clarkes face but stopped not wanting to hurt the sky girl.

"It's ok touch me…" Niylah stared at her for a moment before slowly bringing her hand up to stroke Clarke's cheek, she could feel her tremble under the touch a light sweat under her finger tips.

"It hurts?" She didn't remove her hand even though she knew she should.

"It's ok…I'm ok… I'm sorry I hurt you Niylah, that I keep hurting you" Niylah did drop her hand then and she saw Clarke visibly relax at the lack of contact, she was right Clarke was hurting her but not on purpose. Clarke stared at the other girl trying to apologies as much as she could with her eyes.

"I know you love me and I love you too Niylah but…it's not the same, I'm sorry. If I could love you the way you love me I would but I just…" Clarke searched for the words.

"Can't" Niylah offered, her heart was breaking inside her chest. Clarke nodded tears falling to the floor, would Niylah leave her?

"And Heda? Do you…" Clarke snapped her eyes back to the grounders. Did she love Lexa?

"I…I don't know" Niylah nodded.

"But you need me to stop fighting for you don't you" Clarke nodded wiping her cheeks dry before pulling the other girls face towards her, Clarke kissed her gently and Niylah knew this would be their last.

"Thank you" Clarke looked confused.

"For being honest with me, for loving me, for protecting me…for the kiss" Clarke kissed her forehead before standing.

"I want you to stay but I would understand if you wanted to leave…just take your time to decide. Try and get sleep" They smiled at each other for a moment before Clarke left her to rest.

As soon as the door closed Niylah let out the tears she had desperately tried to keep inside.

* * *

Lexa had awoken alone the place that Clarke had vacated was already cold, she returned to her own room. Dressed and began making her way through the halls deciding to find the missing sky girl, Titus found Lexa first.

"Good morning Heda, I have seen to the Ice Nation Ambassador. Wanheda has ensured me that she will be no further trouble" Lexa studied him carefully, she was not blind to his dislike of Clarke.

"Good, is Wanheda with her now?" he nodded.

"Very well, I shall be with the Natblida's in the training grounds. I shall leave the matter to you" Titus was obviously happy with this decision, he had always been like this when Lexa entertained thoughts other than that of her duty as Heda. She loved him like a farther but if he made any move against Clarke she would make him forever regret his actions.

30 minutes later she sat on a grass verge with the Natblida's sat around her listening to her teachings, she enjoyed these rare moments she had alone with them. No Titus, no one listening to her wording or seeing her as weak because she cared for them.

"Heda?" Aiden called out

"Sha"

"We have questions about Wanheda" Lexa kept the smile from her face at the mention of Clarke and nodded for him to continue.

"Titus told us that Wanheda holds great power and that you should strike her down and take the power as your own, that this is what is expected of you as Heda" Lexa looked at all the young that sat before her.

"I see, and what do you all think I should do?" the group was silent for a moment as they thought about their answer. The youngest of the group was the first to answer her.

"I like her…I don't want Heda to hurt Clarke" Lexa was taken back by the small girl, they had used Clarkes name which was a shock but made sense she had been informed by Indra that Clarke had come to see the Natblida's every day since Lexa had introduced them all. But it was also the look that she had in her eyes, anger. She was angry at Lexa at the idea of her hurting Clarke.

"Anis, I will not harm…Clarke I swear it" the little girl called Anis smiled back happily at her Heda and Lexa returned the smile.

"But Titus teaches us that Love is weakness…" Aiden mumbled she could see the inner battle he was having. Lexa opened her mouth the answer him but a voice called across the clearing.

"My people believe that love is our biggest strength" Clarke spoke as she came to sit with the group, she looked at Lexa to ensure that she wasn't crossing a line and was granted permission to continue with a nod.

"You see it is the love that I have for my people that allowed me to take down the mountain, and their love in return that keeps me fighting for our future. Love makes us keeps us trying, keep fighting it makes protect those close to us. Your Heda leads her people, she makes decisions that hurt her so that they won't have to. She does this because she loves them." Clarke look at Lexa to see her struggling with the words Clarke just spoke, and it just made her fall for the grounder even more.

"Heda" Anis called.

"Yes child" Lexa cleared her mind as she was called.

"Do you love us?" it was Anis that asked but as Lexa looked at all the children she could see them all wanting to know her answer, the last face she looked at was Aiden's.

"Sha Anis, I love you. I love all of you" she was met with a crowd of happy faces all but Aiden's, the boy stood his face tight with confusion.

"Aiden…" Lexa called out, the Natblida's were looking at him too.

"I don't understand, you and Titus said… you said Love is weakness. Heda is not weak, Heda should not love us. Don't love me!" His hands were curled tight, he looked at his peers panicked. Before running as fast as he could away from them, Lexa moved to stand ready to chase he boy when Clarke called her attention.

"I'll go, listen well to your Heda children" she nodded at Lexa before heading in the direction Aiden had fled.

* * *

Clarke found Aiden in one of the horse stalls, his head was hung low and Titus was knelt in front of him speaking lowly.

"But she's kind…I don't want to hurt her" Aiden spoke as Clarke made her way inside, Titus seeing her raised to stand.

"Wanheda, I must ask that you no longer spend time with the Natblida's they are my responsibility and clearly your words are causing harm" Clarke rolled her eyes at the stubborn man.

"Aiden, are you ok?" The boy turned to look at her, he had something in his hand but she couldn't tell what.

"Do you want to come with me?" Aiden nodded slowly but then looked at Titus, who in return gave him a cryptic look. Clarke held out her hand for the boy, he slowly took it and she lead them out of the stable not letting go of his hand. They walked for some time until they reached a hill that looked over the forest that surround one side of the City, Clarke still holding his hand pulled them down to sit.

"I know how hard it is to be taught one thing your whole life for someone then to turn around and tell you something completely different, you know I'm from the sky. But what you don't know is that while I lived up there they told us that you didn't exist, that none of your people did. That this world was impossible, they used fear of the ground to control us. But you're here Aiden, I know that Titus told you to do something. I won't ask what don't worry, and if you really believe that it's the right thing to do then I won't stop you. But do it because you think it's the right thing to do not because he told you to do it" Clarke kept her eyes trained on the view in front of her.

"He said that you will hurt Heda, that you will be her death" Clarke looked at him then.

"I would protect Heda with my life Aiden, just as I would protect yours. Titus fears love, he fears how strong and uncontrollable it is. I love Heda just as I love you Aiden" He stared back at her for the longest time trying to understand her words then suddenly he stood took a step forward and threw the small Knife that Titus had given him in to the distance. Turning to face Clarke he spoke confidently.

"I love my people, I love Heda and I love you Wanheda. I shall use this love to protect my people, to protect our futures" Clarke stood too then and took the boy in her arms holding him tight, Aiden returned the embrace.

They stayed up there till they both felt hunger calling them, laughing they made their way back to rest of the Natblida's and Lexa. They were all sat around a large table eating lunch, Clarke joined them and as soon as she sat Anis climbed into her lap. Aiden sat closer to Clarke too looking slightly jealous of the younger Natblida that got to sit on her lap, Lexa couldn't help but smile at the image.

An hour later Indra arrived to continue the children's training, each coming to thank their Heda for her lesson this morning. Clarke sat and watched as they all said their thanks until just Aiden was left, he walked up to Lexa and Clarke could clearly see his nerves.

"Heda I'm sorry for earlier, I am thankful for teachings. I hope that your spirit will choose me then I can have Wanheda love me as she loves you" he stood tall, ensuring that his words were heard clearly. Bowing he marched to join the rest of the Natblida's, once he was out of earshot Clarke burst into laughter.

"What spell have you put on that boy Clarke?" Clarke just continued to laugh uncontrollably.

"I don't care who my spirit chooses I do not like the thought of another touching you" Lexa looked towards the sky, Clarkes laughter dying at her words.

"It's not fair of you to speak like that…" Lexa brought her eyes back to Clarkes face in question.

"You dislike it?" Clarke sighed and raised from her seat walking around the table to give them some distance, she didn't much fancy another heavy conversation today.

"I'm going to go and rest it's been a long day already" Lexa watched her as she went to leave.

"Clarke, we need to talk about last night" Lexa didn't rise to stop her.

"I know and we will but right now I need some time, some space. It's hard to be around you Lexa...Love is weakness remember, you make me weak and we both know that you and I can't happen" Lexa wished so much to take back those words she spoke to Abby, but she couldn't and they would do little good for her or Clarke now.

She watched Clarke leave sighing this is why after Costia she swore to never again allow someone so close, to never be so weak again. And yes, Clarke was right love could be strength but it could also be weakness and she was weak. Weak because of Clarke, Weak for Clarke.

* * *

Clarke shut the door behind her finally making it back to her room, she rested her forehead against the wooden door frame. Yes, when she was around Lexa she could forget about her broken body and every increasingly breaking mind, but instead she had to deal with rushing emotions towards the grounder. One minuet she could hit the woman and then the next get completely lost in her eyes.

"Wanheda" Clarke span around at the voice to find Titus standing in her bedroom.

"Titus what the hell?! why are you in my room?!" he gave no emotion away as he stared at her.

"Last chance Wanheda, I really must insist that you leave Polis. Go back to your people, you bring nothing but danger to Heda" he took a step towards her. And Clarkes back was pushed hard against the door.

"Titus...don't, don't come closer please I can't...I'm not good with" she hated her own voice.

"I am aware of your disposition to being touched child, I wouldn't do such a thing. But thankfully I don't have to, you are healer yes? Well my people can work wonders with plants and herbs take this for example" He held up a little veil in front of her, a deep purple liquid inside.

"This is something we call dream killer, two drops of this will put you in a sleep that no one can awake you from. And while you sleep terrors will pull apart your soul till your heart can take no more, my offer to you Wanheda is this. Leave now and don't come back, answer no messages from Heda and I shall let you live. Refuse and face your demons again" Clarke looked at the liquid again taking a deep breath.

"Give it to me" Clarke reached out for the liquid.

"What trick is this?" Titus took two steps back and put the veil back within his robes.

"No trick, give me poison. I am tired of being weak, of being scared of my shadow. Lexa is the only person who…she makes it stop, she makes me need her" Clarke moved around the tall man to start filling a bag with clothes, herbs and a knife.

"And it is because you need her, not Heda but who she is that you put her in danger. Love is weakness, because she puts you above her duty. Before her own safety." Clarke silently continued to pack what little belongings she had before joining the man again.

"I'm leaving, but with the condition that you leave Aiden out of your scheming. And protect Lexa" Titus nodded at the request and followed Clarke soundlessly to the stables at the far side of the city.

"The veil, give it to me" Clarke held out her hand again for the object once she was finished saddling her horse. Titus studied her for a moment unsure as to why she would want the poison.

"If I'm captured again… I won't be taken alive Titus" He nodded in understanding and for a moment looked pained at the situation they had found themselves in.

"I know this will hurt her… but I will do anything to keep her safe Clarke Kom Skaikru" Clarke nodded her arm still out stretched, he placed the veil carefully in the palm of her hand.

"That I think is the one thing we have in common" she pocketed the poison and pulled herself up on the horse, she gave him a final look before directing the horse towards the city gates. After a moment, she looked behind her but he was gone, within two minutes she reached the large gates of Polis and was surprised to see Aiden standing firmly in her path.

"Your leaving?" His face was hard set gone was the playful boy she had spent the morning with, he reminded her of Lexa when she had her commander mask firmly in place.

"Aiden, I have too, it's for the best" He showed no emotion.

"You have taught me a lot in this week Wanheda, about love and strength. But this lesson is the one I will remember… that even with that love you can run" Clarke had no words for him, he was right she was running. How long had she been running?

"Aiden let her go" both Clarke and Aiden's eyes snapped towards Lexa's voice, her face was stern there was no room for argument. Clarke looked back at the path in front of her, she had to go but knowing that Lexa was stood behind her it made it almost impossible.

"NO" Aiden shouted, to refuse a direct order from his Heda would earn him punishment. But he would take it.

"Aiden…" Clarke jumped down from her horse and ran to the boy.

"Stop, please. Don't make Lexa have to be firm with you, she loves you" Clarke was knelt in front of him, he took a step back from her and drew his sword.

"If she won't fight you, make you stay then I will" Lexa was in front of Clarke as soon as the sword was unsheathed.

"Aiden, enough" Lexa stood tall using all her authority as Heda to try and make the boy submit.

"Titus told me that your hand would need to be forced, he believes that Wanheda will be your undoing. But it's you… your weakness. Not from love but from fear, you fear love. That will cause you to fall" He gripped his sword tightly and surged forward, Lexa pushed Clarke to the side and rolled to the side of the swing just in time.

"FIGHT ME" Swing after swing Lexa dodged, she said nothing. She made no move to draw her own sword, Clarke could see the hollowness in her eyes. She pulled herself to stand, Aiden was good. This wasn't surprising considering the warriors that taught him, she looked towards the tower to see Indra and many Polis guards rushing to the scene. At this rate, Aiden was going to be at the mercy of his people, shutting her eyes briefly she turned and pulled the two swords she had attached to her horse and ran to join the fight.

Lexa gripped the top of her arm panting, she had been too slow on the last attack and Aiden had managed to cut her. He was about to come for her again but her sight was blocked as Clarke stood in front of her, Clarke pushed one of the swords she was carrying into Lexa's chest before raising her own preparing to strike.

Aiden stopped his attack as the sky woman took her first swing at the commander, Lexa raised the sword she had been given to block the blade. Clarke got in 3 swings before Lexa took her down to the floor, Lexa straddled her slightly as their swords pushed against each other.

"STAY INDRA" Lexa shouted as the other grounders approached, she then moved closer to Clarke.

"Your protecting him" Clarke nodded.

"At your own cost?" Again, Clarke nodded and Lexa sighed this time her hands were tied. She jumped to her feet and threw the sword away from her, as soon as Lexa was away from the blond two large male grounders grabbed Clarke dragging her to her feet. The sound that erupted from Clarkes throat made Lexa do something she would never have imagined, she ordered the men to release her. Taking the struggling girl from their hold, scooping her up she started walking towards the tower. Clarke shook in her arms, mumbling under her breath Lexa could only make out a few words.

"it hurts…don't…don't…no…kill…me" Lexa's jaw tightened at the words, enough was enough. Indra walked alongside her, as rest of the grounders parted for her. This would be seen as a sign of weakness she knew that, she would have to answer for these actions. 20 minutes later she was stood outside her own room after placing a distraught Clarke down on her bed, she turned to Indra.

"Call for Titus to come to the throne room, I shall address him within the hour" Indra nodded and left the commander alone in the hallway, that was until Aiden stepped out of the shadows. He came to stand in front of her, his head hung low. Lexa came to stand in front of him, and for the second time in 30 minutes broke a rule as commander. She took him into her arms.

"Thank you, child," Aiden relaxed into the hold after a moment, he wrapped his hands tightly around her back. When Lexa pulled back she kissed his forehead briefly.

"Go, be with your brothers and sisters" Aiden nodded and started to walk away.

Lexa slipped soundlessly back in to the room to find Clarke sat on the bed holding herself rocking back and forth.

Lexa watched her from the end of the bed knowing that she had to be careful with how she approached the fragile woman.

"I can't do this anymore Lexa" Lexa said nothing giving the blond time to speak.

"I can't live in this fear I'm so tired, I still hear her in my head. I still feel her touch on my skin, she told me that I'm her's and… and I am. She took everything from me, I can't fight her anymore. I don't want to fight her anymore" Lexa gripped her sides tightly.

"It would be so easy to let go…" Clarke looked down at her hands the veil of poison held carefully in her palm.

"Then, why haven't you?" Lexa asked softly, Clarkes eyes snapped up to look at her.

"Because…" why hadn't she given up, she closed her eyes searching herself. The images of Raven, O, her mother, Aiden and finally Lexa flashed across her mind.

"Because of you… all of the people I love, I don't want to lose them" Lexa sat next to her then, looking down at the veil. She knew the colour, how had Clarke got hold of this?

"I'll always be with you, Clarke" they searched each others eyes for a moment, it was Clarke who broke the contact.

"Not the way I want you to be" Clarke look anywhere but at the grounder sat next to her. Lexa watched her for a moment, so much of her said that she should run from this. Aiden was right she fears love above all else.

"Clarke I…I don't know how to do this" Clarke looked back at her, she could see the pain in the commander's eyes.

"When Costia…when she was taken from me, I hadn't felt pain like it. No amount of training could prepare me for it, I didn't want to be that close to anyone ever again. But you… I was yours the moment you walked in to my tent that first day" Clarke sat staring at the brunette in front of her, was this real? But she had heard Lexa deny feelings for her.

"But you said…you told…I don't understand" Clarke shook her head, was this her mind playing tricks on her.

"Clarke, I am yours. I love you" Lexa couldn't tell if her words were reaching Clarke at all.

"No…no I'm broken, I'm not good. I'm not good enough for you…she said...she said that you wouldn't want me…you're not meant to want me!" Lexa cupped her face to force her to listen, she slowly moved forward. Clarkes breath was short and fast against her skin, oh so gentle she brushed her lips across the blondes.

"I want you Clarke, I need you." Clarke felt it, something crack slightly. In her head, she was still in that dark cave, every person was Nia stood in front of her trying to take more from her. But for the first time the person in front of her was Lexa, and the roof had creaked slightly to allow some warmth and light in.

"Lexa…" Clarke was almost afraid to say the name out loud in case Nia answered back.

"Sha, Klark?" definitely not Nia, only Lexa would call her like that. Clarke surged forward claiming the taller woman's lips passionately.

"I love you!" Clarke practically shouted as she landed kiss after kiss on the other woman, Lexa used her strength to keep them up right. Returning every kiss, it would take time for them heal Clarke and if she was honest herself too but they would do it together.

* * *

 **sooooo thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **please review**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shizmaring xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**hello campers! hope you are well sorry for the wait on this chapter It was pride here this weekend just gone so I was busy being really gay! heres chapter 11... full warning its about to get a wee bit steamy :) so enjoy that hehe**

 **diclaimer...I own nothing**

 **please review it really gives me a kick up the butt to write**

 **enjoy!**

 **Chapter 11**

Lexa sat tall on her throne as Titus was escorted into the room by Indra, she had just had enough time to apply war paint to her face before she left Clarke. She had wanted nothing more than to stay with the blonde sky girl but Titus had to be dealt with first before she could truly rest.

"Leave us Indra" The grounder general nodded and left them alone.

"Flame keeper, information about you has been brought to my attention. Information that troubles me, information that as Heda can only be seen as treason" She was careful to keep her mask firmly in place, she was furious that he had taken such actions against Clarke. She couldn't deny the sadness she felt too though, he was the closest she had come to having a farther.

"Heda, please allow me to explain. I did what I must do to protect you…" Titus took a step forward causing Lexa to stand from her throne.

"Remember your place Flame Keeper!... To use Aiden…" Her mask fell then at the name of the young Natblida. Titus dropped his head in shame, he had used the boy.

"To give her this…" Lexa held the poison in front of her, she could barely look at the older man.

"Forgive me but I begged you to remember my teachings…love is weakness" Lexa began pacing in front of her throne.

"I will not hear this again" her pacing stopped at the sudden outburst of the older grounder.

"YES, YOU WILL! Your feelings for Clarke put you both in danger… if you care for Clarke you will send her home. It is the only way she will be safe, don't make her pay the price of your mistakes as Costia did" As soon as the words had left his mouth he knew that the line had been fully crossed, Lexa turned on him and descended the stairs slowly.

"My mistakes?... Azgeda cut off Costia's head and delivered it to my bed! And still I let them into my alliance. I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF SEPARATING FEELINGS FROM DUTY!" She was physically panting from the words, Titus hung his head low.

"I'm sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to offend you"

"Yes, you did… but you also mean well, and I know that teacher" there was silence between them for a long moment before Lexa reached up and wrapped her hands around the taller grounders neck and brought their foreheads together.

"Your wrong Titus she…she makes me strong. Swear that you will never try to harm Clarke again" He took a deep breath before nodding slightly.

"Sha Lexa, I swear it" they parted and she smiled fondly at the older man, she would still need to keep a close eye on him but this was improvement. She dismissed the man and instructed Indra to keep a close eye, she was anxious to get back to Clarke.

Their conversation had ended with Clarke returning her feelings, once they had stopped kissing each other over and over again they had laid down on her bed just looking at each other. To say Lexa was scared was an understatement, what if Titus was right and her love could only bring pain to the sky girl. So much of her just wanted to shut all her doubts and duty away and just simply enjoy the feelings that was controlling her body.

She started walking towards Clarkes room, this floor was empty apart from the odd guard. She looked down at the veil in her hand, would Clarke of taken it? Did she know what would have happened to her if she had? Did she still want to take it? Angrily Lexa hid in the pocket of her tight leathers, she wouldn't lose Clarke.

Softly opening the bedroom door, she was confused to find the room empty. She quickly scanned the room her eyes falling on the sheets blowing silently in the wind from the balcony. Panic filled her lungs as rushed towards the opening.

"KLARK" Lexa practically shouted as she broke through the curtains to come across a very shocked and confused blonde who had been enjoying the light breeze and warmth of the sun on her skin in silence.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Clarke studied Lexa's worried features franticly. Lexa surged forward and kissed Clarke hard, cupping the blonde's cheeks to keep her in place. Clarke melted into the unexpected kiss, Lexa was normally so controlled but when she was like this Clarke could feel herself fall more and more deeply for the taller girl.

"I thought…" Lexa broke the kiss and held Clarke close to her own body.

"You thought?... That I was hurt?... No… you thought I had jumped…" Lexa nodded gently pulling her even tighter to her chest. They stood there for a few moments just enjoying the others scent, it was Clarke that broke the warm embrace. She reached one hand up to softly cup the grounders face, Lexa's eyes closed on instinct at the touch.

"How could I ever think that I could fight this…love for you?" Clarke smiled at the words as she continued to stroke the warm soft skin below her finger tips.

"Clarke I… there's so many things I regret" Lexa began but was silenced by a small kiss to her lips.

"Shhh… not now, it can wait Heda" Lexa's hands tightened slightly were they rested on Clarkes hips.

"I like the sound of that…" Clarke's eyes darkened slightly in the shift of air around them.

"Mmmm what do you like the sound of Heda?" Lexa pulled their hips together, Clarke released a small moan at the contact.

"The way you say Heda…it makes me wanting" Lexa was now trailing soft but desirable kisses down Clarkes neck, the blonde tilting her neck to give the grounder more space to explore. As Lexa reached the warm skin covering Clarkes shoulder she stopped her lips to look down at the scars that came into view. Teeth marks.

"I'm sorry" Clarke quickly readjusted her top to hid the scars, Lexa must feel disgusted at the sight of them god knows Clarke was. Lexa took her hands shaking her head lightly.

"No Klark, don't apologies. You are beautiful, these scars are part of you…and I love you. All of you therefore I love these scars, they show your strength… that your still here." Clarke watched her quietly as the ground pulled the top again to show the healed wounds, slowly so that Clarke could pull away if it became too much she laid soft kisses on 3 of the scars that lined the shoulder. When Lexa looked back up at Clarkes face she saw the soundless tears fall from her eyes.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have…" It was Clarkes turn to surge forward to press her lips to Lexa's hard, the kisses that followed would surly leave their lips bruised and swollen. When they parted, both were struggling for air.

"You really want me?" Clarke asked still feeling Nia's words plague her mind.

"Always" Lexa raised Clarkes hands to her lips and kissed every finger before pulling the blonde back into her arms.

"We will go slow, take our time. There's no rush, I love you" Clarke relaxed into the protective embrace. They stayed there for a long moment just enjoying the feeling of the other, it was a knock on the door that broke the bubble.

Clarke pulled the door open to find Niylah stood on the other side, they smiled at each other for a long moment. Relief filled Clarke at the soft look Niylah gave her, it would be hard but they would get through this. Clarke hugged the taller woman tightly, Niylah made no move to return the embrace and instead just enjoyed it the best she could.

"Thank you" Clarke whispered into her hair.

"What for little sun?" Niylah noticed then Lexa coming back into the room from the balcony. She couldn't deny the pain that filled her chest at the sight of the other grounder. Clarke pulled back to look at the taller woman.

"For staying, for trying" Niylah nodded looking slightly guilty, she was worriedly biting her bottom lip while looking at the floor.

"What? What is it?" Clarke knew this look.

"I have to leave…Roan has sent for me, he says there is urgent business that requires my attention in Azgeda" Clarke struggled to not show her sadness at this information but she also knew that she had to let her go.

"I see, is it safe for you to go?" Clarke looked back at Lexa who studied her for a moment before nodding gently.

"I shall have some of my men accompany you Ambassador" Niylah wanted to protest but didn't, she would contain herself for Clarkes sake.

"Thank you, Heda… we shall meet again my little sun. Be safe." Clarke hugged her once more and watched her back fade around the corner of the hall way.

"She will be protected Clarke" Lexa came to stand next to the blonde.

"Thank you" Clarke reached out to hold the commanders hand before bringing it up to her lips.

* * *

A week had passed since Niylah had left Polis, Clarke and Lexa had stolen small moments with each other. They would talk, share stories of their childhood. Of course, Clarke had read the story of Lexa but to hear it from the commander herself, to see the emotions that would surface as the memories were shared.

Lexa had very little memory of her parents, she had been brought to Polis at a very young age and began her training to become Heda. Anya had become her mother in many ways, Titus her farther. They never spoke of the conclave that had decided who would lead the grounders once the previous Heda had died, whenever they got close to the topic Lexa would close the conversation.

Lexa would make sure to see Clarke before she slept, their kisses had increased in passion with every night that passed. Clarke had never felt desire like this, she burned with need for the other woman. But she would be lying if she said that she wasn't terrified still to let them go any further than kisses, she was currently holding a sleeping Anis in her arms as Aiden asked her another question about her people. He was always so hungry for Knowledge, he reminded her so much of Lexa.

"Aiden, can I ask you a question" Anis stirred lightly in her arms before being still again. Aiden nodded his consent.

"The conclave…how do you feel about it" Aiden looked down at the sleeping girl in her arms.

"Could you hurt her Clarke?" She too then looked at the sleeping child.

"Never" Aiden nodded in agreement.

"The sacrifice of a few for the many…That's what Titus teaches us." Neither of them had noticed they were being watched by Lexa from the shadows of the room.

"That's enough for tonight, sleep. Tomorrow we have a long day" Clarke gently tucked the sleeping child in her cot and kissed Aiden's head as he settled into his own. Clarke smiled at the sight of all the children sleeping in the dorm, she had to find a way to save them.

"Wanheda" Clarke turned to look at Lexa coming out of the shadows her skin tingling as it always did at the sight of the taller woman. But the feeling passed quickly as she saw the firm face the commander worn.

"Come with me" Clarke followed silently until they reached the commanders room. She shut the door behind her and watched Lexa carefully as in removed her heavy coat before turning to look at the blond her hands firmly resting behind her back. Yep Clarke knew she was in trouble.

"Your unhappy" Lexa tightening her jaw at the words.

"Your right to be…" Lexa's mouth fell open slightly had Clarke really just said that.

"I crossed a line…I shouldn't have asked him that, but… fuck Lexa they are just children. I don't want them to have to…to kill each other" Clarke was pacing becoming more and more angry with every step.

"You…YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN MADE TO KILL YOUR FRIENDS…you were just a teenager…I can't forgive them for doing that to you Lexa…" The commander closed the difference between them in 3 long strides and pushed Clarke against the wall hard. The gasp that fell form Clarkes lips was stolen by Lexa's lips pushing against hers hard, when Lexa finally released the other woman's lips they both struggled for air.

"No one's ever… I feel it Klark… your love" Clarke stared at the struggling woman in front of her, she had never loved anyone the way she loved Lexa. She knew that she would never love anyone like this again, she wrapped her hands around the tall grounders neck and kissed her slowly.

"They shouldn't have made you…it wasn't your fault" And then for the first-time Lexa could even remember she felt tears fill her eyes, she tried to pull away from Clarke. Angry at the emotions that she couldn't keep down, she had to hide this.

"No…it's ok" Clarke held her in place before gently kissing the brunettes eye lids, tasting the salt of the tears that now fell down the commander's cheeks.

"You don't have to hide from me… this is not weakness, this is the strongest thing I have seen you do" Clarke held her close, she made no sound. Her body was still but Clarke could feel the dampness on her shoulder as the tears continued to fall.

"I can't…I can't make them stop…" Clarke stroked her hair softly.

"I love you Lexa" how long they stayed like that she didn't know but after some time she guided them to the bed, Lexa was still so tense her eye brows frowning deeply. Once they were both lying down Clarke stroked her forehead trying to ease the tension there.

Clarke sat up taking a deep breath before slowly pulling her top up and over her head, Lexa watched her carefully. Next Clarke climbed off the bed turning to face the other woman her hands shaking as she reached down to try and unbutton her trousers, Lexa sat up quickly to capture the trembling fingers.

"Klark, stop you don't have to" Clarke took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself.

"I want… I want you to see all of me…" Lexa let her eyes drift over Clarkes exposed torso, yes the skin was lined with scars but she was the most beautiful sight that Lexa had ever seen. Lexa looked back up to Clarkes determined face giving her a gentle nod allowing her hands to drop from the blondes.

Slowly Clarke got the button free, she pulled the leathers down until she stood in nothing but her underwear. Her eyes were shut tightly she couldn't stand the idea of seeing disgust in the brunette's eyes once she saw her.

"You are the most beautiful sight I have ever see Klark…" Clarkes eyes shot open to look at Lexa, she saw nothing but truth in those forest green eyes.

"Touch me…" Lexa bit her bottom lip at the words and Clarke felt a shiver of pleasure run through her body. She leant down to take one of the grounders hands and brought it to the skin covering her lower abdomen, a low moan escaping her lips at the contact.

"Make me yours's Heda" Lexa was on her feet the moment the words had left Clarkes lips, Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarkes body kissing her sweetly before guiding them back to the furs that covered the bed.

"You are mine" Lexa's lips passionately traced down the expanse of Clarkes smooth neck, her pulse throbbing under her lips. Clarke reached behind her back to unhook the bra before throwing it in some random direction, Lexa pushed herself up to get a good view of the two mounds that had been freed. They had not been spared from scars and the knowledge of Nia touching Clarke in her most privet of places made her blood boil.

"Hey Shhh, its ok… please kiss away her touch. I want to only feel your mark on me Lexa" That was all the encouragement that the grounder needed, she took the left nipple into her mouth and Clarke arched into the contact earning them both a moan of pleasure. Lexa took her time kissing every inch of skin that was bare to her, Clarke gripped the sheets and tossed her head left to right as she grew more and more impatient. She couldn't believe that her body could feel this good, she thought that she would only ever feel pain. But Lexa was kind, soft, gentle, hungry.

"I need more… fuck Lexa please, more!" Lexa looked up from Clarkes navel to smirk knowingly.

"Where do you want me Klark…what do you need, tell me" Lexa kept eye contact as she traced the top of the blonde's underwear with her tongue.

"Oh god…you! I need you! Touch me lexa, I need… I need you inside" Clarke reached down grabbing one of Lexa's hands roughly pushing it against her already soaked knickers. The pressure made her groan deeply, her head titled back and her spine arched into the touch.

Lexa quickly hooked her fingers around the small piece of fabric and slowly pulled it down Clarkes slightly sweat covered skin, once gone she shuddered at the sight of Clarkes wet core. She licked her lips at the slight before raising her eyes to catch Blue ones, the look a question.

Clarke nodded and watched as Lexa lowered her head between her open legs, she felt her breath first. Her whole body trembled in anticipation, next a soft kiss placed on top of her aching centre. Then finally she felt Lexa's gentle exploring tongue part her lips, Lexa moaned into her at the taste and Clarke almost lost it right there and then.

Lexa took her time exploring every inch of Clarke with her tongue, lips, teeth mouth. She only stopped when Clarkes hands pulled her face away from between her legs, she guiding the grounders face up to her own before kissing her deeply tasting herself on her lips. When they parted, Clarke could see how much that had turned on the woman above her so she pulled her down again this time using the tip of her tongue she licked her wetness off of the brunette's face.

"Klark…" Clarke could hear the arousal in the commander's voice, it made her shiver in need. Lexa traced one hand between them to cup Clarke in her palm, not breaking eye contact for one second she slowly parted Clarkes wet lips and pushed the tip of one finger inside the Blonde. They both moaned at the feeling, pulling out Lexa re-entered her again this time with two fingers. They found a rhythm that worked and before long both were panting and whimpering in pleasure.

Clarke felt so good wrapped around Lexa's fingers she wanted more so she squeezed in a third finger earning herself a loud deep moan from the Blonde below her.

"Oh god…so full, yes…keep going…keep fucking me" Lexa followed her request happily moving faster and harder than before and soon she felt Clarke tighten around her fingers.

"I'm…I'm cumming…oh fuck I'm cumming on your fingers!" And then they loudest of all Clarkes moans filled the room as she climaxed. Lexa held her tightly until the blonde's breath calmed.

"Good?" Lexa asked as she kissed Clarkes neck and nuzzled into her enjoying the way Clarke smelled after sex.

"Mmmm…" was all Clarke could manage.

"Rest" Lexa pulled a fur over them and wrapped her arms protectively around the blonde, within a minuet Clarkes breathing evened out and Lexa could tell she had fallen asleep. Lexa had never felt peace like this, she would do anything to keep it.

* * *

 **sooooooo thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **yay for team Clexa! there will be more love scenes this one I wanted to keep a little more soft as obviously Clarke is still working on her stuff but its going to get a lot more steamy so have cold showers at the ready!**

 **please review as I said it really helps! #**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **slightly flustered**

 **shizmaring!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi campers! I know I've been crap at updating for god like 3 months but I have a good excuse! I was rushed in to hospital and that's pretty much where I've been for the last 3 months, I've had surgery been released and then taken back in again it's been a nightmare I'm sorry for all of you that have had to wait such a long time for this!**

 **Can't wait to hear your thoughts on the new chapter enjoy!**

 **On with the show!**

 **As always I own nothing!**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

The sun light is what awoke Clarke, it had travelled across the floor of the room until it finally reached the sleeping blonde. She raised a sole hand to cover her eyes as she tried to adjust to the bright light, she could hear birds in the woods that surrounded Polis. She knew that on the ground grounders would be selling goods, talking perhaps eating a late breakfast. But what she couldn't feel was a warm body that was only hours ago asleep next to her, she reached to the side of the bed that Lexa had vacated. Cold. The commander must have been gone a while, Clarke looked up at the celling as memories of last night ran through her mind.

She had never thought that it could be that good, of course Clarke had imagined what it would be like but never did she think that it would feel so right. So, all consuming. She rolled her face into the pillow that Lexa had slept on and breathed in the scent of the taller woman, why was she waking alone? She wanted to return the passion that the grounder had given her last night.

Raising to sit her hand crumped a piece of paper that had been left in the sheets, Lexa's neat handwriting scribbled across the page.

 _Klark,_

 _I left you sleeping, last night was a gift I shall never forget. When you wake come to the training grounds, I wait for you._

 _L._

Clarke traced the words with her fingers now feeling very awake she was quick to get out of the bed, after washing and dressing again she picked up the note folding it carefully and hiding it in her jacket.

Once she had changed her clothes in her own room she started to make her way to the training grounds as she drew nearer she could hear the sounds of clashing swords. In the opening Lexa stood in full fight stance as Indra circled around her, Clarke was used to this sight now. The two would often spar so that others could learn from their moves. The way Lexa moved reminded Clarke of dancing, which was a dangerous thought because now all Clarke could think about was the grounder dancing for her the way Skaikru would dance. Sweat gathered on her brow and her breathing become shallow, Lexa disarmed Indra and the crowd that had been watching cheered in joy.

Lexa pulled Indra to stand and they embraced arms for a moment both panting but looking impressed by the other. Lexa felt the stare before she saw it, turning her forest green eyes she locked with deep blues. The look the blonde wore was not hard to decipher, nor could Lexa deny the effect that look had on her. She ached to have the sky girl again, she handed over the class to Indra before stalking her prey. She came to stop next to Clarke neither looking at the other.

"Come, now" there was no room for argument in the order, she followed the commanders marching back for no longer than a minute till they entered an empty store room, the room was dark and full of training equipment. There was no source of light save the cracks that had formed in the walls, but these let very little light in at all.

Clarke shut the door behind her and turned to face Lexa's back, the commander had yet to turn around. Clarke began to worry that she had perhaps misread the grounders intentions, had she brought Clarke here to scold her.

"Le…Heda?" Clarke corrected herself, she didn't want to annoy the brunette more than she had already.

Lexa span around her face scrunched up in confusion, why would Clarke use her title to address her when they were alone?

"No, you shall not address me this way" Clarke raised her eyes to look at the tall standing woman before her. Lexa took a step forward as she spoke in a low voice "When we are alone…you will use my name Clarke. I will not respond to any other words" Clarke had taken a few steps back and now her back was pressed against the door, Lexa pushed her own body flush against the blondes.

"I thought…" Clarke looked away in embarrassment, but Lexa cupped her face and drew their lips together.

"That I was angered? Far from it Klark, the way you were looking at me…" Lexa kissed her again but this time it was far from being gentle, Clarke moaned as their tongues met. The kiss was becoming more and more heated, soon they would be too far gone to stop. As Lexa's hands came down to the hem of Clarke shirt the Blonde snapped out of her passion haze and quickly swapped their positions.

"No, it's my turn" she then attacked the brunettes smooth neck enjoying the feeling of Lexa's pulse point throb in her mouth. They both paused and stood statue still as thy heard voices just outside the door, Clarke watched Lexa's face as the other woman moved a hand to cover her mouth in case they were heard.

Clarke smirked and resumed kissing along the commander's collarbone, Lexa pushed her away gently and shook her head in the direction of the voices. Clarke simply smiled again and brought a sole finger to her lips, the message was clear 'Shh' the shock in Lexa's eyes almost made Clarke laugh out loud.

Collecting herself she dropped to her knees in front of the brunette and looked up to the green eyes that followed her, keeping eye contact she slowly unbuttoned the taller girl's trousers and slid them down to her ankles. Lexa's breathing was laboured as she watched Clarke move her eyes from her's to her centre.

Clarke couldn't stop the gasp that fell from her open lips as she saw that Lexa was wearing nothing under her tight leather trousers, she could smell the taller woman's arousal. Leaning forward she rested her forehead against the brunette's smooth naval, her head moving as she heaved in a breath.

The smell of her was intoxicating, she started planting small kisses against the skin that was exposed to her. She was hungry, a thirst that almost left her throat sore.

She pulled back to see green eyes still watching her, keeping eye contact she grazed a gentle kiss against the taller woman's slick lips. The moan that escaped from both of them was unrestrained, intoxicated Clarke closed her eyes and allowed her tongue to explore freely.

Lexa brought a hand to her mouth and bit down hard on the skin in an attempted to stop the growing moans from escaping her panted lips. She watched Clarke push her tongue into her deeper and deeper, each swipe of her hot wet tongue more forceful than the last. She was sure that she would leave teeth marks embedded in her hand but in this moment, all she could focus on was Clarkes mouth, she could feel her legs weakening.

Clarke brought her hands up to Lexa's hips and pushed her against to door when she felt the grounders legs shake slightly, she looked up at the brunette in front of her. She had never seen anything as erotic as the sight of The Commander panting and biting down on her hand to keep her moans in, god she wanted to break that control.

"I want you to cum in my mouth" Clarke spoke against Lexa's centre, that seemed to be the last straw for the taller woman. Lexa thrusted her free hand into Clarkes hair and pushed herself hard into Clarkes mouth. The shocked blonde got the message and sucked hard on Lexa's throbbing clit, Lexa thrusted desperately in time with Clarkes mouth and before long her body went ridged as she came hard into the blonde's hot mouth.

The next thing Lexa was aware of was her forehead resting on Clarkes shoulder her knees tucked beneath her.

"Some warrior I am, you brought me to my knees…" Clarke shook her head lightly and tightened her hold around the grounders waist.

"No, you brought me to mine first" Lexa pulled back to stare at the Clarkes flushed face.

"Beautiful…" she kissed her then, unlike the previous kisses this one was tender.

They stayed knelt on the floor for some time small kisses and caresses filling the time, it wasn't till a familiar voice sounded that they awoke from their daze.

"Heda, forgive the intrusion but we have visitors from Skaikru at our gates" Indra called outside the door. Clarke and Lexa shared a confused look before coming to stand, Clarke went straight to Lexa's clothing. She quickly readjusted the out of place clothing as Lexa responded to her general.

"Who?" Indra straightened from the response.

"Abby Kom Skaikru, she is escorted by two other members of their Clan" Lexa watched as Clarkes eyebrows raised in surprise from the mention of her mother. She reached around the taller woman and pulled the door open forgetting that she hadn't straightened out her own clothes.

Indra turned at the noise of the door opening to come face to face with Clarke her state of clothing not going unnoticed not that Indra showed anything.

"My mother?" Clarke questioned.

"Yes, Wanheda" Lexa came to join the two women.

"Have them escorted to my throne room" Indra saluted to Lexa and lowered her head slightly in Clarkes direction before taking her leave.

"Why is she here?" Clarke asked herself as much as Lexa.

"Let's find out, ambassador" Lexa responded, a playful smile tracing her eyes.

30 minutes later

* * *

"ENOUGH!" Lexa's commanding voice bellowed over the raised voices of Clarke, Abby, Kane and Octavia. All four turned to look at the standing grounder, her eyes were fierce.

"I will not allow you to come into my city, my home and order who Klark may or may not spend her time in the company of" Abby opened her mouth to argue but one look at Lexa was enough to shut her mouth again.

"You are my guests here, and you will be treated as such. But know this, Clarke is her own person and as far as my people and I are concerned the true leader of your people. I demand that she be respected as much" Lexa slowly lowered herself back down on her throne, her face still hard as stone.

The room was silent for some time as everyone nervously avoided the commanders gaze, it was Clarke that finally broke the silence.

"Heda is right, this is my life. I get to choose where and with whom I live it, I'm sick of being micro-managed by everyone. I kept us alive, I saved us from the mountain, I made the hard decisions so that you didn't have to and still you think that you have the right to have any say in who I love?" the world slipped out before she could stop it. Abby's eyes widened and her eyes darted between Lexa and her only child.

"Love?" Clarkes hands curled in to fists as she nodded her head firmly.

"And you? Do you love my daughter?" Abby questioned the still quiet commander, Lexa looked to Clarke for a moment her mouth dropping open to respond.

"She doesn't have to answer that mom, this is about you and me." Abby turned to face Clarke again, she gave her one last look before swiftly making for the door Kane hot on heels. Octavia walked over to Clarke her arms reaching out to embrace her, Lexa's voice boomed once more across the room.

"Don't. touch. Her" Octavia stopped in her tracks and lowered her head.

"I'm here for you when you want to talk Clarke" Octavia gave the commander a bow before following the path of the two older members of her Clan.

As the door closed behind them the two were once again alone, Clarke watched Lexa for a long moment. She still sat ridged to the chair, Clarke hesitantly approached her.

"Lexa? I'm sorry that should never of happened…" Clarke took the 2 steps that lead to the commanding throne.

"I know I shouldn't ask for this but I have to…please don't punish them, I'll talk with them…get them to understand that they can't just…" the rest of her sentence was cut off as lexa abruptly came to stand in front of her.

"You are mine" Lexa cupped the back for Clarkes head and forcefully crashed their lips together, Clarke moaned instantly and returned the fevered kiss.

"You are all mine!" Lexa's lips were burning a trail down Clarkes exposed neck.

"Yes…I'm yours…fuck…Lexa" it was too much, the need. Clarke couldn't take it anymore, somehow, she mustered the strength to push the taller woman back causing Lexa to fall in to the seat of her throne. She was startled for a second before her eyes focused on Clarke hurriedly unbuckling her belt, undoing her trousers, ripping them down her legs. Now her bottom half only covered by a thin layer of material Lexa could smell her arousal, a low growl rumbled her throat.

Clarke bit down on her bottom lip as she hooked her fingers in the already soaked knickers and dragged them down her legs, she held them in front of her and rolled them up. Taking two confident steps forward she straddled the still shocked commander, in one hand she held her underwear the other gripped Lexa's wrist and drew it between her legs. She pushed down and felt Lexa's strong fingers fill her, both women moaned aloud. Slowly at first Clarke began to grind herself against those talented fingers, Lexa watched her in complete awe. Clarkes wetness coating her hand.

"I don't think I can keep quiet…feels too good" Lexa brought her free hand to Clarkes hip to help encourage the blonde's movements, she watched as Clarke look at her and then took the arousal soak knickers and pushed them into her own mouth effectively gaging herself. Lexa's grip on her tightened at the sight, both increasing their rhythm until Clarke's body went ridged and her head fell back, the thin material slipping from her open mouth as she dragged air back into her lungs.

All Lexa could do was watch the sight in front of her, she pulled the blondes shaking body against her own as Clarke rode the last spasms of her orgasm. Skaikru could wait, her mother could wait for now she just wanted to enjoy the silence that Lexa's touch gave her.

* * *

 **that's all folks!**

 **thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **love shinzmaring!**


	13. Chapter 13

**hello campers!**

 **me again so here is the next chapter! hope you enjoy and please review it really helps me write :)**

 **enjoy!**

 **disclaimer- I own nothing!**

Chapter 13

Niylah looked into the flames as they danced along with the cooling wind, the seasons were changing. Long gone are the nights she would spend with Clarke in the warmth of the summer evenings, the world had changed so much. She released another heavy breath looking towards one of the 4 tents that had been risen around the fire, she could almost feel the energy of the person inside its canvas sheltering.

She scrunched her eyes fiercely as Roan came to sit near her, his strong hands reaching out towards the fires warmth his eyes searching the clear star etched sky.

"One more day, sister" he didn't look to her nor she to him.

"This will hurt her brother, let me talk to her first" Again her eyes drifted to the tent, she wanted to hate her brother for pulling her into this mess but she knew that he summoned her in the hopes to ease Clarkes pain.

"I shall speak with Heda, you will have to keep her at bay while I do that. Then go to Wanheda, Heda will need time to speak with our…. guest" for the first time since he sat down he looked at his younger sibling.

"I wish I could protect you from this pain, but you love for Wanheda is not within my control" Niylah look to him seeing the love in his eyes. She stood walking past him resting a soft hand on his shoulder, he lowered his head at the contact. Actions spoke louder than words.

* * *

Lexa awoke early like most mornings, turning to her left she saw Clarke sleeping peacefully next to her. How had she let her this close? Too close. Sighing she pulled herself from the sheets dressing quickly before opening the door, one foot already out she closed her eyes and tightened her grip on the handle. With a shake of her head she looked over her shoulder to take a last look at the sleeping blonde.

Way too close.

Closing the door soundlessly she made her way through her tower guards saluting as she passed, as she reached the training grounds she was happy to find it empty. Removing her coat and armour she stood in just her tight trousers, a grey tank and black boots. She stilled her breath before running for the training course, jumping to grab a steel bar she pulled her body up and then down over and over again. Her muscles flexed firmly, her movements controlled. Practiced.

She never counted, never needed to. She released one hand and pulled again, then down she repeated the action 10 more times before dropping to her feet, pulling herself up into commander stance before turning her head to acknowledge Indra. Of course, she had heard her arrive but she knew better than to try and interrupt her during her workouts, he bowed low as she appraised her.

"Forgive the intrusion Heda, but our scouts have reported that King Roan will arrive within the hour" Lexa nodded curtly walking to her discarded clothing.

"Prepare for his arrival, I shall greet him in the Throne room" Indra bowed before taking her leave. Lexa wished she had just stayed in bed with Clarke.

* * *

Lexa sat in her deep Throne dagger twirling into the arm of the chair, she couldn't shake this feeling that whatever brought the King of Azgeda back to her home couldn't be good.

"I remember the first time I saw you, you where sat just like that. In your throne, dagger between your fingers" Lexa looked up at the voice calling from the door way, Clarke shut the door behind her softly.

"I remember" Lexa whispered softly.

"I was so scarred, of your army. Your people, my people. The ground…the mountain" Clarke continued.

"Of me" Lexa automatically responded.

"No, not you. Never you, the second you looked at me it was…it was the first time I felt safe since landing on the ground" Lexa's eyes snapped up to meet the blues of Clarkes.

"It confused me, that feeling. It made me angry, that you could have that effect on me" Lexa stood from her throne taking long slow steps towards Clarke.

"I wanted to kiss off the defiance I saw on your lips" Lexa spoke lowly and Clarkes breath hitched slightly.

"And I wanted you too" Lexa wrapped a strong hand around the back of Clarkes head, her fingers tangling in the blonde locks.

"Klark. You. Are. Mine" she pulled slightly exposing Clarkes bare but scar laced neck, her teeth scraping against the skin and then her tongue following the path they made. Clarke moaned softly and pulled Lexa tighter to her body, god could she ever be close to this woman and not lose all self-control?

"I'm yours" Lexa pulled back at the answer and crashed her lips against the shorter woman's, their mouth battling for dominance just like the first time they had met. Lexa's lungs burned with the need for air and as she pulled back panting and resting her forehead against Clarkes she noticed for the first time that they had found their way against the wall, Clarkes hands pinned above her head her mouth open slightly. Lips bruised from the heated kisses, her eyes hazed. God, she wanted her. but then her mind kicked in and saw the position she had put Clarke in.

"No…Clarke I'm… forgive me I didn't mean to" Lexa immediately released the Blondes wrists and backed away from the sky girl. Clarke snapped out of her lust filled hazed confused as to why Lexa had stopped, she looked at the shame and guilt the brunette wore. It was then that she became aware of the position they had been in, and it clicked. Lexa thought she had pushed her into a position that would be painfully because of her past, and perhaps she would have been right a few days ago but right now all she felt was desire.

"Lexa, I'm ok" she tried to reach out for the grounder but Lexa backed away looking down at her own hands angrily.

"I shouldn't have" how could she have done this to Clarke.

"lexa stop, look at me I'm fine. You didn't hurt me" Clarkes words fell on deaf ears, Lexa was stuck in her own head.

"Lexa..."

No response

"Lexa please look at me" Clarke was starting to worry that she wouldn't be able to snap the commander out of it, then it hit her.

"Heda!" Lexa's eyes cleared and she raised them to meet Clarkes.

"Heda, I am unharmed" Clarke bowed her head slightly, if this didn't work then nothing would.

"Klark" her accent heavy she stepped forward to lift the sky girls chin.

"I am yours Heda, you did not hurt me… I wanted it. I wanted you Heda, my Lexa. My Heda" Clarke leaned up and pressed a soft careful kiss against the taller woman's. Lexa sighed at the contact.

"You are sure?" Clarke nodded before a smirk graced her lips.

"Not only I'm I sure but I also enjoyed it… a lot" Lexa searched her face to see the truth behind those words.

"Klark I…" a loud knock sounds on the door and lexa sighs tiredly, she gives Clarke a small smile before returning to her Throne. She sits and motions for Clarke to join her beside it, Clarke comes to stand respectfully near the impressive seat. She stands ridged.

"Enter" Lexa orders strongly.

Indra opens the door holding it wide for Roan to walk through before closing it securely, the two walk together towards the seated commander. Bowing low before Indra takes her place beside her Heda.

"King Roan, to what do I owe this pleasure" Roans eyes glance over to Clarke then back to the seated woman.

"Heda, thank you for allowing me to see you. I think the matter of which I have come to discuss would be best done in privet" Lexa turns her head slightly to Clarkes side.

"Wanheda holds my confidence, you may speak true in her presence. Roan shifts uncomfortably.

"Heda, I really must insist that we speak alone" he bows low again.

"Heda I think perhaps what King Roan says is true" Indra speaks softly. Lexa appraises the dark-skinned woman.

"Very well, Wanheda we shall meet again later to finish our conversation" Lexa doesn't take her eyes from Indra as she speaks.

"As you wish Heda…" Clarke confused makes to leave the room when a mixture of loud voices fill the room, whoever is in the hallway obviously having a disagreement.

Its seconds before the door fly's open and a stranger storms into the room followed with a chasing Niylah "I've waited long enough!" the stranger demands as she comes to stop just a small distance behind Roan. She's bowing low "Heda…" Lexa stands quickly on unstable legs. Clarke watches the scene before her who is this woman?

"Costia?!" Lexa whispers.

The woman raises her head dark brown eyes meeting forest green.

* * *

 **thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **please review it really does help get me writing!**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **yours**

 **shizmaring!**


	14. Chapter 14

**hello campers!**

 **time for the next chapter, bit of a full on one sorry about that. some trigger warning.**

 **as always i won nothing!**

 **please review!**

* * *

Chapter 14

"Costia…" Clarke heard the words, saw lexa rise. Saw the stare the two shared, the tears caught in each eye. She saw Costia's lips move but the buzzing in her ears silenced everything else, she watched Lexa walk clumsily towards the dark-haired woman. As if in slow motion the commanders hand raised to touch the other woman's face, the way she is melting into the touch.

"Lexa…" Costia surged forward calming Lexa's lips with her own, it was brief. Before she melted in to the commander's arms, the two-woman clinging to each other tightly. No one in the room spoke, no one had noticed that Niylah had moved around the pair and was now standing next to Clarke calling her name softly.

It was only when Clarkes view was obstructed by the tall grounders body that she snapped out of the trace she had fallen into.

"Clarke look at me, you don't have to be here. Come, come with me" Clarke tried to shake her mind clear.

"She… I… how?" Niylah looked over her shoulder her eyes connecting with Roans, he nodded his approval before returning his gaze to the floor in front of Heda.

"I know you have questions, but Clarke please trust me. Come" Niylah held her hand out to the stunned blonde in front of her, praying that she would take the offering. Clarke took the hand wordlessly, and before she knew it she was being pulled towards the still open doors, again the world slowed as she took one last look at the two grounders embracing. she wished that her eyes could have met with Lexa's but the brunette were closed. Closed to her.

Clarke didn't remember the journey to her room, but here she sat with Niylah knelt in front of her their hands still joined. Clarke stared at her friend for a long time, trying to understand how one minuet she could be pressed against a wall with Lexa's firm body moulded with her own and the next she could be watching Lexa's dead ex-partner kissing her.

"Clarke, forgive me" Clarke look at her friend confused, then it hit her. Niylah brought her here.

"How?" Clarke asked her head dropped low.

"My brother found her, it's a long story Clarke I don't think…" Clarke interrupted her but didn't look up.

"Tell me" it was an order. Niylah sighed deeply.

"Very well as you wish, my brother found her in the dungeons where my mother kept her...victims" she paused trying to read the blondes emotionalist face.

"Where she kept me" Clarke replied softly.

"Yes, after she died Roan ordered for all those she had taken to be freed, clothed, fed and brought to him. She was among them, he called for me to come back to help him bring her back to Polis. Costia was impatient to get back to Heda…" another pause.

"But Lexa said that her head had been delivered to her bed…" Clarke was beyond confused.

"It would seem that Costia had a twin sister, who's head was delivered to Heda" Clarke raised to her feet pacing back and forth, this made no sense.

"A twin? That doesn't explain anything, why would Lexa not mention there was a sister?" Niylah gave Clarke as much space as she needed.

"That's where things get complicated, and the only information we have comes from Costia herself. When Costia was young Azgeda warriors attacked their Tirkru village, the warriors swept through the house killing her mother and dragging her sister Mika away, they would have taken Costia as well had it not been for Anya Kom Tirkru stopping them. She saved Costia and took her with her to Ton DC which is where she met…"

"Lexa" Clarke finished "What happened to her sister?" Niylah sat, her head in her hands.

"It was common back then for Azgeda warriors to take children, they were brought back to capital. Enslaved. Mika lived in the walls of the palace, she served the queen. It wasn't until Lexa had become Heda and formed the Coalition that Nia saw Costia, when she returned home she noticed her slave for the first time. She kidnapped Costia, threw her in a cell and used her twin as her double" Clarke stopped her pacing.

"She could be Mika" Niylah shook her head.

"No she's not, we tested her Clarke. We had to be sure" Clarke was silent again for a time.

"All those years...she was down in those dungeons for all those years" Niylah nodded sadly.

"My mother kept her alive because she enjoyed causing her pain" Niylah's hands curled into tight fists.

"All the times she said that she was going to do to me what she did Costia" Niylah stood ridged before crossing the room to stand in front of Clarke.

"She's dead Clarke, she can't hurt you anymore. She can't hurt anyone any more" Clarke shock her head, one hand coming up to touch the scars left behind from Nia's teeth.

"No, your wrong she still hurts me" The room grew silent, Clarke looked towards the door imaging what could be happening in the room only 1 floor up. And silently she wondered if Lexa had even noticed that she had gone.

* * *

Costia walked slowly around the room that was once hers and Lexa's, the commander watching her as she studied the small changes to the space. One of Costia's hands brushed over the furs that covered the large bed and Lexa's brows drew together in a frown the image of Clarke sprawled over them, naked and moaning in pleasure. She tore her eyes away from the sight so fast her neck protested at the action, when she raised her eyes back to Costia the grounder was staring at her in confusion. She glanced down at the furs on the sheets and her hands curled into tight fists.

"It looks different in here" Lexa just nodded in response.

"I had forgotten the smell of polis, the smell of home. Your smell" Costia closed the distance between them, her hands coming to tangle themselves in the brown locks of the commanders. The kiss was slow, Lexa kept her eyes open as she watched the woman in front of her allow tears to fall from her eyes.

A knock at the door broke the pair apart and Lexa moved to the door opening it to find much to her surprise Abby Kom Skaikru.

"We need to talk" it was an order and Lexa's jaw tightened at the disrespect.

"Now is not the time, later I shall send for you" Abby ignored her response and instead quickly moved past the grounder and into the bright room. Abby looked over Costia who was now sat at the end of Lexa's bed in a very relaxed manner.

"Perhaps a word alone commander?" Lexa followed the older woman's gaze, and nodded slightly at Costia. The grounder rose to her feet before muttering Heda under her breath and left the two women alone.

"Who is she" Lexa crossed her hands behind her back and walked towards the balcony, looking out over her capital. How had things become so complicated?

"That is none of your concern, Abby Kom Skaikru" Abby joined the brunette at the opened area, she studied the city then the woman who ran it. She could see the lines around her eyes, the only sign that there was any stress on the young woman. Taking a deep breath Abby raised a single hand to the commander's shoulder, Lexa whipped her head at the contact her eyes searching the older woman's. They were so similar to Clarkes. Clarke. God, she had to talk to her, tell her that she didn't know that Costia was alive.

"It's ok" Abby whispered softly her grip on the grounders shoulder tightening, her spare hand slowly coming up to hold the brunette's cheek. To say that Lexa was surprised by the contact was an understatement and for a brief moment her commander mask fell as she gazed at the older woman.

"It's ok" those words again, Abby wasn't sure what it was that made her lose all the anger that she had towards the grounder but if she had to guess, then she would say that in this moment she finally noticed how young, how tired, how heavy the woman in front of her looked. She reminded her of Clarke.

Lexa snapped out of her shock and the mask came fully back in place her whole body screamed at her to move away from Abby's touch but her feet didn't move.

"I… I am Heda, commander of 12 clans" Abby nodded and stroked her thumb softly over the defined cheek bones that her slim fingers rested on.

"You are, yes. But you are also a person, Lexa. Its ok to feel the weight of that as well as the weight of being commander" Lexa's body shook her brows coming together tightly as her body betrayed her. what was it about the griffin women that made her years on control, years of walls crack around her. didn't they know that she needs them, needs them to make the decisions. To put her people first.

"I…I can't…" her voice cracked, her eyes filled with tears and her body suddenly was pulled into an embrace that she never felt before. Was this what it was like to be held by your mother, it was warm. She smelled like Clarke, and with that thought the last of her resolve broke and the pair fell to the floor. Abby still holding the shaking brunette as she felt the shirt covering her shoulder become wet with quiet tears.

Once the tears had stopped lexa made to move away from the other woman's embrace but strong arms kept her in place.

"Stay, you can talk to me you know." Lexa shut her eyes again tightly.

"If this is about Clarke…" Lexa hadn't meant the words to fall from her lips.

"I love her" she felt Abby nod softly.

"I know, I've always known. And she loves you, that much is clear. But why are you so upset if you both love each other?" Abby had started moving one of her hands up and down on the brunettes back.

"Costia" Abby said nothing.

"The girl who was just in here" Abby nodded.

"She…We…I thought she was dead, and now…I loved her" there was a long moment of silence.

"And now?" Abby asked gently.

"I don't know, I'm so confused. And Clarke she was there, she…what she must think…" Abby pulled back so she could look at the commander.

"Ok start from the beginning" the two didn't move from their place on the floor and 20 minutes later Lexa had told her everything, how she and Costia had been in love, that she was taken. That lexa thought her dead, what Costia had told in the throne room about her time in Azgeda. How Clarke had seen them together. When there was nothing left to say they stayed in silence for a while.

"Go to her" Abby said into the silence.

"Clarke?" Lexa questioned.

"No, Costia. I'll see to Clarke, but right now you need to be with Costia. Clarke will understand in time." Lexa searched her face once again, there was no anger there only understanding. She nodded took a deep breath and pulled herself to stand, offering a hand to the Kneeling griffin. Once both standing lexa gave her a gentle nod and made for the door. Hand still on the door she turned her head to the other woman.

"Thank you, Abby" and with that she left to find Costia.

It didn't take her long, not many people knew this but you could get to the roof of the tower. They would come up here on clear nights and spend hours looking up at the stars. Costia stood her head tip up to the sky, Lexa approached her slowly.

"You know there were moments where I didn't think I keep going, that I couldn't take anymore and then I would look up and see the stars. And I would remember you" Costia turned to look at the approaching commander.

"I would remember the words you would speak to me as we stared up. That one day we would be among those stars, together. But today, today we live so that we may burn so bright in life that when we die our stars shall light up the whole sky. Do you remember those words Lexa?" Lexa looked up again.

"I remember"

"But now it's not me you want to light up the sky with, is it?" Lexa looked back at her but didn't speak.

"I wonder if this whole time you were really looking up at her"

"Costia…" Lexa took a step towards her.

"Don't, Nia told me about her. The famous sky princess that you broke traditions for, the mighty Wanheda who you were willing to start a war for…I heard her you know. Heard her call out your name as Nia tortured her" Lexa's face scrunched up in anger.

"Stop, Costia"

"That's not all she did, she would touch her. No part of that girl can belong to you, not with Nia's mark all over her…"

"STOP" Lexa demanded, but Costia didn't stop.

"For hours and hours she would have her way with her, for weeks she would still call out for you. She would refuse Nia, until she couldn't fight it anymore, until like me she learnt that no matter how much she called for you…THAT YOU WOULDN'T COME" tears fell freely down Costia's face as she moved forward to push Lexa's hard body.

"WHERE WERE YOU?" Costia beat her fists against the brunette's chest, each becoming more feebly than the last.

"Where were you?" Lexa kept her eyes trained straight ahead as she brought her arms up to enclose the shorter grounder.

"I'm sorry, Costia. I failed you, forgive me." Costia sank into the embrace as the tears consumed her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Lexa rested her head on top of the weeping girls.

* * *

 **thoughts? feelings? emotions?**

 **please please please review**

 **love and lollie pops**

 **shiz**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 **Howdy campers! I'm back! I know I know I suck for being gone for so long, truth is got some pretty nasty feedback on my writing and it shook my confidence. So, cards on the table…I have dyslexia and as a result spelling and grammar are super hard for me. I'm very shy of my writing as a result and struggle with the idea of getting a beta because of this. No one knows that I write, not my friends not my family. So, I'm sorry if there are a lot of mistakes, it's not because I don't check for them it's just hard to see them.**

 **Anyway, enough of that I've decided to add suggestions for song to listen to when reading this chapter. (I listen to them on repeat when I write to keep me in the mind frame of the scene )**

 **Disclaimer I own nothing!**

* * *

 **FIRST SONG IS revolution by unsecret feat ruelle**

On the top floor of Polis's great tower there were five bedrooms, five people lay awake within their walls. In some people paced, in others some fought sleep to claim them. In one a woman stood in the cool late-night breeze, she looked down at the sleeping city below her. Her people. Her duty.

In another a blond-haired woman paced back and forth an internal battle raging on inside her, her body and heart told her to cross the hall. To find the commander, to feel the taller woman's lips against hers again. But her mind did nothing but tell her that it was too late, that they were over before they had even truly began.

The next room held a dark beauty say in front of a worn stained mirror, looking at the woman who she hadn't truly seen for years. Herself. She played with the small gold cog she had been given all those years ago by a woman who was only meters away from her. A symbol that Costia was hers. She paced it on her forehead, her eyes settling steely. She saw herself, but also, she saw Nia. Her master.

Abby played with the wedding ring that hung around her neck, she had taken it off after they had landed but couldn't bring herself to part with the small piece of metal. She glanced at the sleeping form of Marcus another sigh escaping her lips, she thought of her daughter. She knew she was hurting she had seen it earlier that day as she told her to give Lexa time, time to come to terms with Costia being alive. Clarke had agreed but she could see what it had costed her only daughter.

Niylah poured herself another glass of the dark liquid and felt as it burnt its way down to her stomach. She had lost count of the glasses she had consumed and yet she still couldn't feel its calming effects, again she looked at the door. She had to fight the urge to go Clarke, to comfort her. She knew her presences would do nothing but make matters worse.

* * *

 **Next song: you are a memory by message to bears**

The knock on the door was light but Lexa had heard it, her heart raced slightly as she called for whoever it was to enter. It was only once Costia had gently shut the door behind her that Lexa realized she had hoped that it was someone else visiting her room in the late hours of the night.

Costia turned to look at the tall brunette in front of her, it did not go unnoticed that Lexa's eyes settled on the gold jewellery on her forehead.

"You still have it?" Lexa said barely above a whisper, Costia nodded a small sad smile gracing her lips.

"I hid it from the Queen…she would have taken it. It was all I had left of you…" Costia searched the green eyes in front of her, she was used to the commander's ability to hide her emotions. She knew what it had costed her all those years ago when she stopped fighting the love they had for each other.

"Do you still have yours, Heda?" Lexa turned at the question to her small desk and opened a draw, moments later she was back in front of the smaller woman. She opened her hand to show a small golden cog.

"Of course, I do" Costia reached out and traced the object with her fingers, she could remember when Lexa had surprised her with her own.

It was only a month after Lexa had won her conclave, she had been given the flame. Had become commander of the blood, Heda. Lexa had taken her away from Polis, back to Tirku lands.

The sun was settling low over the forest, a slight breeze surrounded them as they climbed higher and higher into the tree. Lexa above her leading the way as she always did, her arm outstretched to take her own. To pull her higher. She was bathed in light, Costia realized then that this was always their way. Lexa would reach high, push further, demand more from life from herself and behind her Costia would follow. Always trying to catch up to her, and there Lexa would be an arm outstretched to pull her along.

She reached up and took the offered hand and together they broke through the roof of the trees around them. The forest bathed in an orange light, the light consuming them. Costia stared at her love, she would never be able to keep up with her. Would never be her equal but she would spend the rest of her life chasing her, fighting to stay at her side.

"You are mine, Costia" Lexa kept her eyes towards the sun. Costia closed her eyes softly for a moment a truly happy smile on her lips.

"Sha Lexa, I am yours" Lexa turned to look at the other grounder.

"And I am yours, I am Heda. But I am still yours" Costia let the tears fall freely from her eyes, Lexa opened her hand to show two identical gold cogs.

"A symbol for all to see that we belong to each other" Lexa placed the jewellery upon her head and then placed the second one on her partners. They stayed there together till the sun had set, the moon and stars guiding them back.

"Why are you crying?" Lexa gently wiped away the tears of the grounder in front of her.

"I remember the day you gave this to me" Lexa nodded her head softly, they stood in silence for a long moment.

"I was always trying to reach you, always trying to stand next to you in the sun. But I never could" Costia turned away from the commander and began unbuttoning her shirt.

"You could run to the sun and it wouldn't burn you" the shirt fell to the floor, and Lexa had to bite down hard on her lip to stop the gasp that wished to fall from her lips.

"I always felt its heat, felt it burn my skin. But still I pushed, I pushed forward. To be with you" her back was a painting of burns.

"Each time I felt the fire on my skin I saw you in the sun, saw the light do nothing but kiss your skin as mine burnt and blistered" Costia turned to see a sight she had never seen before, Lexa stood ridged as silent tears fell freely from her eyes.

"This was my price to pay for standing too close to the sun…to close to you. But even now I would do it again, I would chase you into the light. Into the flames" Lexa dropped to her knees. Her arms limp beside her, her head raised to stare at her lost love.

"Costia…it was my fault…they took you because of me. They hurt you because of me…forgive me…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Costia joined Lexa on the floor she held her for a long moment.

"Titus was right…is right. This is my fault; my love is weakness. I hurt you…I hurt her…I hurt everyone I love" Costia held her tighter, her own tears soaking the commanders shoulder.

"No" Costia pulled back and held the green-eyed grounders face between her hands.

"No, it was your love that made me strong enough to get through the pain. It was your love that made me keep going, that made me fight to live" Costia wiped the tears from Lexa's face.

"I Love you Lexa Kom Tirku, I always have and I always will. I would never change that, I would never change the way I feel even if I could." Costia rested her head against the brunettes, and then slowly she brought their lips together.

 **Next song: monsters by ruelle**

Neither of them were aware of the blond woman stood in the door way watching them, Clarke's face set to stone as she turned from the scene. How foolish she had been to have hope that Lexa would choose her over her first love, she had finally built up the courage to go to Lexa to tell her that she would give her time to figure things out with Costia and that she would be waiting. But after the second time of knocking on the commander's door and having no answer she had decided to just let herself in before her Nevers got to her.

As the door opened she was greeted with the site of Lexa knelt on the floor, a topless Costia holding her and declaring her love for the taller grounder. She had hoped that Lexa would tell her that she was in love with someone else, that she couldn't return her love.

But instead she watched the two women share a loving kiss, and now here she was storming towards a closed door. She hadn't planned this when she started walking but as she pushed open the door to Nylah's bedroom her mind was set.

Niylah looked up as Clarke stormed into the room, she had never seen the blond look so determined before.

"Clarke? What's going on…" Niylah stood from her seat just in time for her to catch the blond sky girl as she jumped into her arms, Clarke pressed her lips almost painfully into her friends. To say that Niylah was surprised would be an understatement, her eyes shut tightly as their lips moved against each other fiercely. Both fighting for dominance, she wasn't even aware that they had moved until her back collided with the wall behind her.

She gasped at the contact and took in greedy gulps of air before the smaller girl's lips where on her own once again. She pushed Clarke away for a moment as her mind caught up with her body.

"Clarke, wait" Clarke simply pushed forward again to claim the lips in front of her, her eyes scrunched closed tightly as she tried to push the image of Lexa and Costia together from her mind.

"Clarke…" Niylah tired again.

"Shut up Niylah and just kiss me" again they collided and this time Niylah lifted the blond up on to her waist as she walked them to bed, their lips connected the whole time. Gently Niylah lowered them to bed her mouth moving to kiss along Clarkes jaw as the younger woman clawed at the grounders clothes.

"Harder" Niylah kiss her pulse point harder as Clarke freed her from her over coat now her top half was only covered in just a tank. Clarkes nails found bare skin and Niylah moaned deeply as them scratched down her back. Instinctively she bit down on the blond's neck.

"Yes… harder" again Niylah took the skin into her mouth sucking hard.

"That's it make me scream… make me bleed" those words shook Niylah from her haze she pulled back to look at Clarke shaking her head slightly.

"No…I-I can't do this" Niylah pulled away from the blond but Clarke caught her wrists holding her in place.

"This is what you wanted. Me. I'm here, take me" Clarke's grip tightened on Niylah as she tried to free herself once again.

"Not like this, this isn't you Clarke…" Clarke surged forward and flipped them until Niylah was laying on her back with Wanheda straddling her thighs.

"Not me? How would you know?" Niylah looked up at the blond.

"It's not me that you want, I know you love Heda" Clarke let out a short laugh.

"You think this isn't me? When I met Lexa, she forced me to give up the man I thought I loved, sacrifice him for the sake of my people. I stabbed him, killed him as everyone watched. The person you claim I love made me kill the person I loved before her… if I am capable of loving her then what makes you think I am unable to now be with you?" Niylah opened and closed her mouth.

"You see me as this innocent little bird that needs to be protected, sheltered" Clarke lowered herself until their lips were only a breath apart.

"I am offering you what you have always wanted, or do you only want poor broken weak Clarke" Clarke took the grounders bottom lip between her teeth and pulled.

"THAT'S ENOUGH" a voice bellowed from the door way, both woman looked up at a furious Abby Griffin.

"That is quite enough Clarke Griffin, get off her now" Clarke blinked in confusion for a moment, Abby walked further into room. Rushing footsteps could be heard coming down the hall, obviously Abby's shout had alerted others to the scene that had been unfolding.

Niylah sat up with Clarke still in her lap as Lexa and Costia came rushing into the room, the room was silent for a long moment. Abby kept her eyes locked with her daughters, Niylah studied the commander and her pass love as they took in the scene.

"Mom…" Clarke shook her head slightly, she looked down at Niylah. What had she done? What was she doing? Who was she?

"Niylah…" Niylah shook head and caressed Clarkes cheek slightly, the blond flinched at the touch.

"Forgive the interruption" Lexa's mask was fully in place, she turned and strode from the room with unusual speed.

"Lexa…wait" Clarke threw herself off Nylah's lap and made for the door only to be stopped by her mother.

"Clarke, perhaps chasing after her is not the best decision" Abby wanted to reach out to her daughter but could see the panic in her child's eyes just from the moving of her hands.

"No…No your wrong, I need to see her. We cause more damage the more we fight what's happening" Clarke looked towards Costia and after a moment the grounder nodded her head in acceptance. With that Clarke ran through the door way, she had to find Lexa. Enough was enough.

Costia walked further into the room and sat next to Niylah and after a moment reached out to hold the other grounders hand.

"We may not have a choice but to let them go" Costia said softly, and Niylah nodded in response her other hand coming to rest on top of the other woman's.

"You may be right" the two grounders stared at each other for a long moment, taking comfort in each others presence. Abby watched them silently one word filling her mind. Interesting.

* * *

 **That's all folks!**

 **Thoughts? Feelings? Emotions?**

 **Please review!**

 **Love and lollipops**

 **Shizmaring**


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